


Where We Belong

by ELSchaaf



Category: The 100 (TV)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-03-19 00:22:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3589359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ELSchaaf/pseuds/ELSchaaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke walked away and Bellamy stayed behind, but he didn't give up hope when it came to meeting his co-leader again. When a messenger from the River People arrives to Camp Jaha with news of Clarke's whereabouts, Bellamy sets off for the village of Tomac to see her for himself. He gets far more than he bargained for when politics, negotiations, & a journey to Polis ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Nothing was the same, nor would it ever be the same again.  No...that wasn't it exactly.  It was that nothing felt...right.  Everything was supposed to be better now, but it wasn't.  Not for Jasper.  Not for Monty.  Not for Lincoln or Octavia.  Not for Bellamy. And certainly not for Clarke.

She’d found shelter for herself in a cave that first night. It seemed fitting.  Cold and hollow. Just like her.  

It had been a temptation to head for the drop ship, but she knew that if anyone were to try to find her, that would be the first place they’d look. And she didn’t want to be found.  At least not yet.  She wasn’t ready yet, wasn’t sure if she ever would be.  The only thing she was sure of was that she had to get away.

Once she’d gotten a good distance from Camp Jaha and after she’d had a few hours of sleep, Clarke took a good look at her surroundings and several things occurred to her at once.  The first was that she wasn’t far from the bunker where she and Bellamy had found all those barrels of blankets and guns oh so long ago, and that it might have some of the much-needed supplies she'd been unable to bring with her. And the second was that Tondc, where she’d realized she was ultimately headed, was still several hours away in the opposite direction.

The ruins of the village, the lost lives and leaders called to her.  But her practicality tugged at her more.  She may not want the responsibility of her people’s lives in her hands anymore, but she had no desire to end her own life, either. Provisions first. Penance later.

By the time Clarke had scavenged the bunker for anything Kane’s team may have left behind when they’d gone back to get the rest of the weapons, she had a knapsack full of what appeared to be freeze-dried military rations, two blankets, and a tarp she could easily turn into a shelter or tent.  

As she emerged from the dark, damp, dungeon-like depths, her eyes drifted of their own accord to an area a short distance away that made her stop in her tracks at the memory of the last time she’d been in this place. With Bellamy.

Stumbling forward, Clarke found it harder and harder to breathe as everything that had happened there that day played in her mind's eye.  So much had changed since then. Since the day she’d pled with Bellamy not to do the exact thing she was doing now.

Clarke dropped heavily to the ground at the base of that same tree where she and Bellamy had sat that day, side by side, fighting their demons.  She was numb. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, forcing new demons away.  She fell asleep there, the darkness that she fought so hard to keep at bay while awake now invading her dreams.

When she awoke, Clarke was disoriented...and not alone. She sat up abruptly, forcing her eyes to focus, her mind sharpening in an instant as she studied the woman who was staring at her so intently.

They watched each other impassively, almost as if challenging one another to be the first to break the silence, each refusing to bow to the other’s will.

As it turned out, the first sound between them was not one or the other of their voices.  It was a growl from first one and then both stomachs, letting them know that their mutual need for nourishment far outweighed their need to size up each others strengths and weaknesses. At least for the moment.

To let the grounder know what she was doing before she reached for her bag, Clarke said, “I have food that we can share.”

The woman nodded her consent and Clarke reached for the knapsack, pulling out some vacuum-sealed provisions that she’d found in the bunker.  She offered some to her companion and wasn’t surprised when the package was snatched from her hand and ripped open without ceremony. Clarke could see each of her companion’s individual ribs.  That along with the sickly pallor of her skin spoke very clearly of a life filled with hunger, never enough to eat.

Opening her own packet of food, Clarke took a couple bites before saying in the most non-threatening tone possible, “I’m Clarke.”

Intelligent eyes widened and stared at her. Hands stilled as the woman stopped eating.

“Clarke?” she repeated.  “Clarke of the Sky People?”

Now it was Clarke’s turn to be startled.  She nodded and asked, “How did you know that?”

“I heard much about you from the Commander’s army.  The Mountain Men, they fear you.” There was a pause in the Grounder woman’s words, a hesitation before she continued. “I was told that you and your people would be dead by now. Sacrificed to save mine.”

Clarke shook her head, her brow furrowing as the different pieces of this woman’s existence began to fit together in her head.  “No. You were told wrong. It’s the Mountain Men who are dead. My people are safe back at their camp.”

“Yet you, their leader, are not with them,” the woman noted solemnly, studying Clarke with an unreadable gaze.

With a sad little smile that barely curved her lips upward, Clarke replied, “I’m no longer their leader.”  She paused for a moment and took a deep breath as she thought of Bellamy, so strong and so brave.  Her eyes met the Grounder’s when she said, “Someone else has taken my place.”

Seeming satisfied with that explanation, the woman nodded.

“What about you?” Clarke asked curiously.  “I don’t even know who I’m sharing a meal with.”

As she munched on the contents of one of the food packets, the woman said, “My name is Echo. I’m from the River Clan of Dria, the village of Tomac.”

River Clan. Dria. Tomac.  Clarke had never heard these names before and they instantly piqued her interest.

“How far are your people from here?” Clarke wondered aloud, already trying to calculate the direction where this tribe might be located.

“A half day’s walk,” Echo responded.

“Is that where you’re headed?” Clarke asked next, taking a bite of her own food as soon as the words were out.

Echo nodded.  “I’ll pay my respects to the dead in Tondc and make my way home.”

Tondc. Clarke’s head came up at that.  “I’m on my way to Tondc as well.”

“For what purpose?” Echo questioned, finishing the packet of food while looking in disgust at the non-biodegradable packaging.

Cryptically, Clarke relied, “Decisions have consequences. I need to face the result of mine.”

The Grounder scrutinized Clarke without comment, her face unreadable.  Clarke met her eyes, not knowing what to make of her. And then the woman said, “We can travel together. Watch each other’s backs. The Mountain Men may be gone but these woods can still be dangerous.”

Now it was Clarke’s turn to study Echo. She saw no malice, no ulterior motive in her features so after a moment she gave a brief nod and said a quick, “Thank you.”

Echo stood and nodded back to Clarke, who rose beside her. She handed Clarke the remains of what had held her meal and said solemnly, “You must find a new purpose for this now.”

For reasons that Clarke wasn’t sure she could even name, she was amused by how terribly apt those words were. Her lips twitched and she took the wrap with another nod as she said sardonically, “I’ll see what I can do.”

A new purpose.  That’s what Clarke needed for herself. Some way to make the guilt, the pain, the pressure, the constant memory of her past decisions begin to fade.  What that new purpose should be, though, she had no idea.

Feeling Echo’s eyes on her again, Clarke forced herself out of her reverie and glanced at the position of the sun in the sky.  

“We should go,” she said.

Echo nodded her agreement and turned wordlessly, beginning to move in the direction of Tondc.

As they left the bunker and the ruins around it behind, Clarke decided to attempt further conversation.  She looked toward Echo and asked, “Why are you alone?”

Without looking back, Echo said, “I chose to be.”  Such a simple answer and yet Clarke wasn’t prepared when Echo turned and met her eyes, adding, “As did you.”

There was something mysterious about Echo. Clarke had the feeling that there were things that this woman knew, reasons she was being allowed to accompany her, that she may never find out.

When they arrived at the still-smoldering ruins of Tondc, they both stood silently and took in the destruction. It pained Clarke to be reminded that, beyond eliminating an entire colony of people in the mountain, her decisions had failed to prevent the deaths of nearly everyone in this village as well.  She was not a good person. She was not the hero of this tale.

“My clan’s leader died here,” Echo said, breaking the silence between them.

Clarke’s eyes darted to the other woman’s impassive face as she quickly said, “I’m sorry,” while guilt over her decision weighed her down.

Echo shook her head and looked at Clarke.  “She was a warrior. Here for the same reason I came before I was captured. Here to seek an alliance with the Tree Clan, to avenge our loved ones who had been taken by the Mountain Men, who had been bled or turned into Reapers.” She paused to let her words sink in before she added, “To die in war is to die an honorable death. There is nothing to be sorry for.  She died as she would have chosen.”

There was something about what Echo had said that resonated with Clarke, but still she clung to the weight of the burden she bore as she shoved the small comfort from her mind to say, “They could have been saved. No one here had to die that day.”

“If not that day, they would have died another,” Echo stated simply. She caught Clarke’s eye again and Clarke thought it felt as if the woman were staring straight into her soul when she spoke again, “And perhaps not as honorably.”

Clarke swallowed hard, looking away quickly, her eyes scanning the charred buildings, the broken homes. Bodies and body parts were scattered across the horizon.

“They should be laid to rest,” Clarke finally said when she could find her voice.

“Their rest has been found,” Echo returned, once again glancing over at her companion as if trying to understand her. “They found their rest when the Mountain was decimated. They have you to thank for that.”

“No,” Clarke insisted immediately, “They have me to thank for their demise, not their salvation.”

Somehow it seemed as if Echo understood what Clarke was really saying but instead of agreeing with her, she said, “You’re wrong.  The Mountain Men were responsible for their deaths. You avenged their spirits and saved your people. You were at war. You fought your enemies, were abandoned by your allies, and still you were victorious.  Someone to be respected and feared.”

“I never wanted any of that,” Clarke said softly.

For the first time, Echo smiled at her. “I never wanted to be captured and bled by the mountain men.” She paused a moment before adding thoughtfully, “There are lessons to be learned from every one of our life experiences.  Some lessons are more painful than others. Some more joyous. All are essential.”  She changed the subject then, looking to Clarke with a question.  “Where will you go from here, Clarke of the Sky People?”

The response was the same as it had been when Bellamy had asked her the same question.  Clarke bit her lower lip and struggled for a moment before saying softly, “I don’t know.”

They stood silently once more, both lost in their thoughts until Echo glanced over at Clarke and said, “If you seek solace away from your people, Tomac would welcome your presence. Somewhere to rest and restore your strength.”

A piece of the barricade that Clarke had built around herself began to loosen and crumble at the offer.  Now it was Clarke’s turn to smile for the first time.  “I think I’d like that.”

She had a plan, the beginnings of a purpose or at least a destination. For the first time since she’d landed on the ground, Clarke would only be responsible for herself. It was a glorious thought. One that brought a sense of hope and freedom.    

 


	2. Chapter 2

Every hope he’d had for trying to find a new normal, for working through the things they’d done, the things they’d been through, had been dashed the moment Clarke said she wasn’t going through Camp Jaha’s gate.

Without her, he wasn’t sure he could make sense of anything anymore. But it looked like he was going to have to try. Whether he wanted to or not.

The camp needed him...but he needed her. How was he supposed to take care of them if he didn’t have her to keep him in line? Not that she’d had to stop him from doing anything stupid lately, but still...somehow, some way, somewhere along the line she’d become his moral compass. His best friend. The only one who understood, who shared the burden of leadership with him even when Abby and Kane had told them that their leadership was no longer required.  Hell, who was he kidding?  That it was no longer desired.

Now, though, now Kane had told him he’d done well. Kane looked at him with respect, and Bellamy didn’t quite know how to handle that. Was it a temporary thing? Fleeting? Or would that admiration continue and somehow morph into something more? Perhaps by giving him some heavy responsibility that would weigh him down like a boulder attached to his ankle while he tried to keep his head above water.

As Bellamy put one foot in front of the other and entered the camp’s main gate, he didn’t want to think about any of that. Not yet. The only thing he could focus on was Clarke, her leaving, and how he was going to manage to share that news with Abby.

Abby Griffin. Just thinking about Clarke’s mother made Bellamy cringe. He didn’t think she liked him much but had no idea if recent events had done anything to change her mind. One thing was for sure, though. She’d take the news of her daughter’s defection a lot better if Marcus Kane was by her side.

Seeing Marcus still by Abby’s stretcher, still holding her hand, Bellamy took a deep breath and moved toward them. No time like the present to get an unpleasant chore out of the way, he thought.

He approached them from the side and waited for Marcus to nod at him before he moved up next to them. He gave a nod in return and awkwardly cleared his throat before he said, “Chancellor,” not entirely sure which one of them he was addressing with that term, “there’s something you both need to know.”

“What’s going on, son?” Kane asked, still gripping Abby’s hand, giving it an unconscious squeeze as he waited to hear what Bellamy had to say.

“It’s about Clarke,” Bellamy began, forcing himself not to shift uncomfortably from one foot to the other as he spoke, “She’s gone.”

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Abby demanded immediately, trying hard to sit up on the stretcher but ending up unable to.

“Where did she go?” Marcus asked with concern, sounding as if he hoped she might have simply decided she had some loose ends to tie up somewhere even though that was the most unlikely scenario imaginable.

“She just left,” Bellamy stated, his tone flat, matter-of-fact, in spite of the fact that he felt dead inside.  “She said she didn’t know where she was going.”

“But it’s dangerous out there!” Abby exclaimed, gripping Marcus’s hand hard, giving him a pleading look as if he might be able to do something to bring her back, something that Bellamy hadn’t already tried.  “Marcus, she’ll be killed out there all alone.”

Kane looked down at Abby and gave her a sad little smile.  His voice was soft, almost tender when he said, “Abby, look what she’s done. If anyone can survive out there on her own, it’s Clarke. Don’t give up on her yet. She’s had a lot to deal with since she made it to the ground. Maybe she just needs some time to process it all. By herself.”

“I want someone to go out looking for her anyway,” Abby declared. “Just a couple of people. A small team. Someone needs to check on her and make sure she’s all right.”

Bellamy hadn’t felt the need to interject his opinion before but with what Abby had just said, he made a suggestion.  “I can ask Lincoln and Octavia to track her. Follow her. Make sure she’s safe.”

Relief and gratitude filled Abby’s eyes as she really looked at Bellamy for the first time.  “Would you do that, please? I just...I can’t leave her out there all alone.”

Meeting Kane’s eyes for a moment, Bellamy silently confirmed that by the next time they saw each other, it would be done. Marcus briefly acknowledged Bellamy’s non-verbal communication and went back to comforting Abby as Bellamy turned to begin his search for Lincoln and his sister.

Before he could find either of them, though, he ran into Monty.  Monty. The only other person Clarke had told about her plan to walk away.

The concern in Monty’s gaze made Bellamy uncomfortable. He steeled himself against the tide of emotion that swept through him when he thought of the knowledge they shared and asked brusquely, “You know where Lincoln and Octavia are?”

“Yeah,” Monty answered, looking back over his right shoulder as he said, “They headed that way. I think they were going to try to help everyone get settled, check on the wounded, stuff like that.”

Bellamy looked in that direction and said distractedly, “Thanks.”  But before he was able to move away, Monty had grabbed his arm.

“Hey,” Monty asked quietly, “Are you ok?”

Giving a tight, grim smile, Bellamy met his eyes for a split second as he said, “Yeah,” before adding, “Have to be.”

Understanding was clear in Monty’s eyes as he released his grasp on the other man. They shared a brief look of camaraderie but then Bellamy was off again, headed in the direction Monty had pointed him. Somehow, he thought, if he just kept moving, he could get through this.

He spotted Lincoln first, near one of the supply tents. He headed that way, stopping when he was only a couple feet from the other man.

This time it was Bellamy’s turn to say, “Hey,” in an attempt to get Lincoln’s attention. When the grounder warrior looked up, Bellamy said, “I need to talk to you and Octavia. Do you have a minute?”

Lincoln gave a quick nod and skimmed the area with his eyes, probably looking for Octavia.  Then he looked back at Bellamy and said, “I’ll find her and meet you in the tent with the supplies.”  

Bellamy agreed and headed for the tent. Perhaps Octavia was already inside…

Twenty minutes later, the three were in the tent and Bellamy had two sets of eyes looking at him expectantly.  

Without preamble, he said, “Clarke’s gone.  I need the two of you to track her. Make sure nothing harms her.”

Just as Lincoln started to nod, Octavia said a firm, “NO,” that brought the eyes of both men directly to her face.

“Clarke is a big girl,” Octavia declared, “She can handle herself. She sure as hell did when she let a missile drop on Tondc. And we can’t forget her shooting Wallace or killing the Mountain Men, either.”

“I helped her kill the Mountain Men,” Bellamy insisted immediately before demanding, “And what the hell do you mean she let a missile drop on Tondc? Raven said she left to go warn everyone. Did she not make it in time?”

“Oh, she made it all right. She just didn’t warn everyone,” Octavia spat out bitterly.  “She told Lexa and Lexa alone. The two of them hightailed it out of there together and left everyone else to die. She left ME to die.”

Bellamy took in this information with a sense of numb shock, shaking his head in disbelief as he murmured under his breath, “Why would she do that? She had to have a reason.”

His words set Octavia off. Her eyes lit with rage and she snarled, “Oh, she had a reason, Bell. She said she did it to protect you, so the Mountain wouldn’t know we had an inside man.” She paused and snorted in disgust.  “I told her you NEVER would have wanted her to do that. You NEVER would have let all those people die like that. You would have found another way.”

Something inside Bellamy’s gut twisted at her words. What other choices had there been?  He shook his head again. He didn’t have time to think about it right now.  He had too many questions and the only person who could answer them for him was gone.

“I can’t condemn her, O,” he said firmly, “Not without talking to her first, hearing her side. Not after what we had to do in the Mountain to save everyone. To save YOU. I can’t do that to her. I won’t.”

Through all this, Lincoln had remained silent. But when he saw the two siblings standing there stubbornly, squaring off against one another, he interjected quietly, “There’s something else you should both know.” He paused to make sure they were paying attention. “Clarke saved my life that day.”

Both Blake siblings turned their heads and stared at him.  One startled, disbelieving and the other simply staring as he waited for some kind of explanation.

“It was when I met them in the woods. She and the Commander. Clarke was drawing the Mountain Man’s fire so that I could sneak in behind him and take him. Only he had a tone generator and used it to take me captive.” He paused and looked hard into Octavia’s eyes as he continued, “Clarke hesitated. I told her to let the sniper kill me so that she could kill him. She wouldn’t. Instead, she shot through me and killed the Mountain Man.”

He turned to Bellamy then and continued, his intense gaze showing how much he had been impacted by Clarke’s actions, “She said I was her people that day. The Commander would not have given it a second thought before allowing me to die. I’ll go after Clarke. Track her and make sure she’s safe.”

Softly, Bellamy said, “Thank you.” He then took a moment to silently study his sister before he turned and exited the tent.

It was a lot to take in, he thought. Octavia left to die while Lincoln was saved. He found himself torn between wishing that he’d been there, wishing that he could know exactly what had been going through Clarke’s mind, and being grateful that he hadn’t been. Grateful he’d been spared having to make that decision.

But Clarke hadn’t, he realized next. Clarke had made the decision to sacrifice Tondc. A sacrifice, he thought, that likely bought him extra time in the mountain where he’d been able to move around undetected. She’d done it for their friends. She’d done it for him.

It was a decision that she should have never had to make. And now her choice was haunting her. She’d saved Lincoln. She’d saved him. She’d saved their friends. But now she was paying the cost for every horrific, unimaginable thing she’d had to do to get them home.

**  
**Bellamy felt an enormous weight settle on his chest. Sure, he was being touted as a hero, but it was Clarke who had saved them all. And now, while she did whatever she needed to do to be able to live with herself again, it was up to him to hold down the fort.


	3. Chapter 3

After gathering supplies and loudly discussing their differing points of view on the mission they’d been given, Lincoln and Octavia decided it was too late for them to set out that day to find Clarke. Lincoln tried to insist that they leave immediately, that they’d rest once they’d again put some distance between themselves and Camp Jaha, but Octavia countered that Clarke could take care of herself long enough for them to rest, plan, and prepare before going after her.  It was an argument that Lincoln couldn’t disagree with.

When they did set out the next day, Lincoln was able to pick up on Clarke’s path almost immediately and tracked her to a cave where she had likely stayed the night before.  She had left it hardly touched so Lincoln surmised that she had slept there and not much else.

“I was sure she would have gone back to the drop ship,” Octavia commented as she glanced around the dark, damp cave.  “Why would she come here instead?”

Lincoln was quiet a moment before he responded in a way that made it clear he understood Clarke’s current mindset. “She did not want to be found. The drop ship would have been obvious and expected.”

Turning her head sharply, Octavia narrowed her eyes at Lincoln and asked dryly, “Then why exactly are we looking for her again?”

His eyes softened as the ghost of a smile turned the corners of his mouth upward, and Lincoln replied with barely concealed amusement, “Because whether she wants to be found or not doesn’t matter.  She needs to be found, to be protected from herself.”

“Protected from herself?” Octavia questioned warily, “Come on, Lincoln. This is Clarke. Others need to be protected from her, not the other way around.”

“Think again,” Lincoln responded in sympathy with Clarke’s current state of mind.  “Her spirit is shattered now. She may not desire to harm herself but she will not be in the frame of mind to keep herself from harm presented by others.”

Octavia sighed in frustration and shook her head.  “Why are you defending her, Lincoln? She doesn’t deserve your loyalty. She may have saved your life but that doesn’t mean she’s trustworthy.”

Intense, dark eyes found and held her gaze as he stepped closer, taking her into his arms, holding her, and stroking her face lightly with his roughened fingers.  

“She did not want to leave you, Octavia. She felt she had no choice. There is a difference. And even if you disagree with her decision, it was still her decision to make and not yours. You are alive. Let that be enough.”

Stubbornly, Octavia struggled to cling to her anger, her distrust, but holding Lincoln’s eyes with her own, she found herself succumbing to his words and his wisdom.

“Fine. She did what she thought she had to do whether I agree with her or not. And now she’s doing that again. I still don’t get why that means we have to go after her,” Octavia insisted stubbornly.

“Because you need her. Your people need her,” Lincoln said simply before finishing pointedly, “Your brother needs her.”

“Bellamy only thinks he needs her,” Octavia argued, “She takes him for granted, puts him in danger. She treats him like he’s expendable and he’s not.”

Lincoln cupped Octavia’s face in his hands and leaned forward to kiss her on her forehead, murmuring with his lips pressed against her skin,”You are wrong.”

Octavia pushed away, demanding, “How can you say that?  You were there when she told him to put himself at risk to infiltrate Mount Weather. You heard Bell when he was explaining how he knew it was Gustus who poisoned Lexa’s cup. He’d do anything for her. To protect her. That’s Bell with Clarke. She’s his weakness. But he’s not hers,” she stated in disgust, her voice rising passionately as her righteous anger increased, “She uses him and it’s not right!”

Again, Lincoln said to her, “You are wrong. You see with blinders on because of your love for him.  Clarke needs your brother just as much as he needs her.  They will not do well without each other.”

“How can you be so sure?” Octavia asked with narrowed eyes and furrowed brow, clearly skeptical of his words.

He smiled and cupped her face in his hand again, “Because they are like us. Stronger together than they are apart. Both warriors on their own but so much more when they have each other.”

Octavia scowled.  “Neither of us would ever send the other knowingly to their death or ask the other to do something harmful, painful to them. We would never choose to walk away from each other, either.  We’d stay. We’d fight and find our way together.”

“There are things we cannot control and do not understand,” Lincoln said sensibly, “We have not been in the same positions of leadership that Clarke and Bellamy have been in.  They are different from us, yet they are the same. In their hearts, at their cores, they are the same.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

While Lincoln and Octavia were discussing them, Clarke and Bellamy were also thinking of each other but for very different reasons.

Clarke, for her part, was taking in the ruins of Tondc for the last time, her heart aching as she remembered standing not far from where she stood now, coldly telling Bellamy that she’d been weak when she’d said she couldn’t lose him, too. She knew she’d hurt him or at least confused him with her words then. He hadn’t understood what she’d really been saying. She doubted she’d understood herself.

And now she’d left him this time, again hurt and confused. He’d done everything right while she’d done everything wrong. She’d tried to be logical, to turn off her compassion, and by doing so, she’d saved her people, but she’d lost her soul. She didn’t deserve his understanding. He may not realize it now, but he would be better off without her.  The words kept echoing in her mind, repeating themselves over and over.  She was determined to believe them. They had to be true.

Back at Camp Jaha, Bellamy was on edge, frustrated, thrumming with pent up energy, worry, and fear.  He desperately wanted to run after Lincoln and Octavia, catch up to them, go with them. Something in his gut made him think that he’d be able to find Clarke more easily than the Grounder experienced in tracking. He knew her, understood how she thought. How could he not have a better chance of finding her?  

Yet she’d asked him to stay. To take care of their people. He knew he didn’t take orders from her but her brokenness tugged at his heart, made him want to honor her request. Ease her mind by letting her think that by leaving them in his hands, she’d done the right thing.

Only she hadn’t, he thought. How could it be right when she’d walked away? Refused to stay, to heal together rather than flounder apart. He wanted to help her, be there for her the way she’d been there for him, the way they’d been there for each other almost from the beginning. But he couldn’t. She wouldn’t let him.

He wasn’t enough.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

After leaving the cave, Lincoln and Octavia followed Clarke’s path to some ruins about a half day’s walk from Tondc.  Octavia had never seen the location before, but when they found the underground bunker, it was easy enough to figure out why Clarke had gone there.

“Supplies,” Octavia said aloud, “She left Camp Jaha without supplies. She came here to get some.” She turned to Lincoln and asked curiously, “Do you think she found any?”

Lincoln turned over some crates and other containers that appeared to have recently been disturbed and he nodded. “I do.”

“She’s not here now, though,” Octavia frowned, looking back towards Lincoln, “Where do you think she went?”

“I don’t know,” he replied, “Let’s go back outside and see if we can find her trail again.”

They searched the area and finally found footprints that matched those they’d been following.  They were under a tree several hundred meters from where they’d found the entrance to the bunker.

As Lincoln squatted to inspect the prints, however, he frowned and looked up at Octavia with concern in his dark eyes.  “She’s no longer alone.”

For the first time since they’d left Camp Jaha, worry filled Octavia’s gaze before it was overtaken by bitterness and accusation.  “Tell me she’s not with Lexa.”

“The Commander would not leave prints this easy to locate. And she would not be found without her guards,” Lincoln said firmly.

“Unless it was to save her ass while allowing her people to burn,” Octavia snarled.

Rising to his feet, Lincoln studied her for several moments before he responded. “I will not defend the Commander. She will always do what she feels is best for her people as a whole. She does not see us as individuals.” He paused before he added, “Clarke did not want to allow Tondc to burn. She values those around her for who they are and not only for what they are able to do for her.”

“How can you believe that?” Octavia asked him incredulously. “She ran. She ran with Lexa. She didn’t try to tell anyone else about the bomb. She didn’t try to tell me what was going on.”

“She wanted to,” Lincoln said with certainty, “You didn’t see her when I came upon her with the Commander while I was looking for the sniper.  You didn’t hear her when she heard that I’d just been with you not long before.”

Octavia quieted, struggling with her thoughts and her anger.  She looked up into his face and said with soft reluctance, “Tell me, Lincoln.”

He stepped closer to her and enfolded her in his arms, kissing her forehead before he made eye contact with her.  “She had lost herself to rage over what had been done. I can only describe the look in her eyes as feral, savage and determined.  When she saw me, though, she was relieved. A spark of hope seemed to filter in and bring back her humanity. I believe she’d thought I was dead and that seeing me made her think of Bellamy. That if I was there, he would be all right as well.”

There was guilt in his voice now, the same that Octavia had heard when she’d found him in the woods, rummaging and reacting like a Reaper once again. She gave Lincoln a reassuring squeeze and waited for him to go on.

“We didn’t have much time between discovering each other and finding the sniper. When Clarke heard that I’d come after the Mountain Man because you and the others were pinned down by him in the midst of the destruction, unable to rescue those that had survived, her face brightened.  It was like a weight was lifted off her when she learned you were alive.”

“No thanks to her,” Octavia muttered.

Lincoln cupped her chin with his hand and brought her eyes to his, “I will not defend her decision, but I don’t believe she felt as if she had a choice. It was out of her hands.”

“You mean Lexa made the decision and Clarke simply followed her. That isn’t any better, Lincoln,” Octavia argued, her anger masking the hurt and betrayal she felt at being left to die by someone she had considered trustworthy, someone she had considered a friend.

“No,” Lincoln responded. “Think about her options. In her mind, she could let Tondc be bombed, or let your people and ours die in the Mountain. There was no good choice and there was no time to come up with another option.”

Octavia’s next words were raw, her carefully constructed emotional armor stripped away leaving the hurt and betrayal she felt very clear.  “Why didn’t she tell me?”

Lincoln smiled down at her and wrapped her in his arms again, murmuring against her hair another question in answer to her own.  “Would you have left with her? Or would you have told the camp what was coming and taken the decision out of her hands?”

Biting back an immediate response, Octavia forced herself to truly think before she said, “I would have told everyone to evacuate.”

“There is your answer,” Lincoln replied. “You are brave, you are a warrior, but you are not a leader. A leader must consider all options. All repercussions of their decisions. She is your friend. She wanted to tell you. And perhaps she believed she would have the chance to after she spoke with Lexa.”

A lump rose in Octavia’s throat and she swallowed hard in an effort to dislodge it, to keep her tears at bay.  She held onto Lincoln fiercely, closing her eyes as she buried her face against his chest.

“I don’t want to forgive her,” came Octavia’s muffled and choked voice.

“But you will,” Lincoln said with confidence, holding her close until she was able to pull herself together again.

Reluctantly, Octavia loosened her hold on Lincoln and looked up at him, nodding slowly as she inhaled deeply before exhaling slowly.  “I will,” she said.  “It’ll just take a little time.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

It had been two weeks since Clarke walked away from Camp Jaha.  Lincoln and Octavia had come and gone several times without success, but were not giving up.

Abby and Kane, not to mention the remainder of the delinquents, were constantly looking to Bellamy for advice and guidance, plans and direction. Bellamy just wished he had answers for them all. No, he wished he had Clarke there with him so they could figure out the answers together. Like they always had.

Instead, Bellamy found himself struggling, doing the best he could.  He was frustrated and exhausted.  And he was lonely. Not that he’d let anyone see those things.

Every time anyone came to him about anything, he’d have to remind himself that this was his burden to bear now, that he needed to sort out any situations that came up on his own. He’d put on his stoic mask and remember just in time not to glance around for Clarke as if nothing had changed, as if they were going to deal with whatever the new challenge was together.

At night, it was nearly impossible for him to sleep. And when he would finally pass out, he often woke in a cold sweat, gasping for air after having vividly relived the torture he’d suffered in Mount Weather.  If it wasn’t that, he’d dream of coming across the little Lovejoy boy who, rather than smiling up at him openly and excitedly, would accuse him of killing his dad, taking his life and then the lives of everyone else in the mountain as well.

Bellamy made sure that no one knew about the mental torment he was going through day in and day out. He was irritable, sure, but that was to be expected with the strain of responsibility he’d undertaken since their return from the Mountain. At least, that was what Bellamy hoped everyone was assuming. Unless everyone in camp was just too intimidated to confront him about his attitude...

‘Where’s Clarke when I need her to pull my head out of my ass? She’s never been intimidated by me.’

It was true. Clarke wouldn’t have hesitated to call him on his shit. It wouldn’t have mattered to her how much stress he was under. She still would have expected him to be civil. But she was gone. And that hurt more than he cared to admit.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Colored pencils and journal in hand, Clarke was seated on a boulder along the shore of the Tomac River sketching the scenery around her and thinking. She sighed in what could almost have been called contentment, inhaling deeply as she closed her eyes and tried to imagine the area as the archives had once described it.

The time she’d spent in the village by the river had, so far, been just what she needed. The people were respectful, and almost fearful, of her.  They’d heard the explanation that Echo had given their leader for how and where she knew the former leader of the Sky People and now they kept their distance from her.

That suited Clarke just fine. She had no desire to tell stories or answer questions or be responsible for anyone or anything but herself. It was a nice change from her time on Earth thus far and she was starting to wonder if she’d ever be able to bring herself to return to Camp Jaha.

Just as she thought it, the image of a sad and forlorn face flashed before her eyes. She flipped the page in her sketchbook absent-mindedly and began to draw Bellamy exactly the way he’d looked the last time she saw him.  With the gates of Camp Jaha in the background, his gaze lost, hurt, and confused, tears glistening in his eyes.  

Her own eyes filled with tears and she bit her lower lip to hold them back as she brushed her fingers lightly and tenderly over the face of the man she trusted more than anyone in the whole world.

A sob caught in her throat but she swallowed it back and just like that, she knew she’d go back some day. Even if only to find out if Bellamy had managed to move on with his life after the Mountain, to find happiness for himself, or at least peace. He deserved that, whether she ever found the same for herself or not.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Peace was the last thing on Bellamy’s mind at that moment.  He was dealing with a fight that had broken out among several of the remaining delinquents while trying to problem-solve their lack of building tools to get themselves prepared for winter. They had plenty of materials, but for all their technology and weapons they were severely short on things like hammers, saws, shovels, nails. He had just been about to suggest visiting a neighboring clan to trade when the fight broke out.

“What seems to be the problem?” he asked as he stepped between the teens and forcibly pulled them apart.

Before he separated them, he hadn't seen exactly who was going at it, but now he frowned, eyes narrowing as he caught sight of the instigators:  Miller, Jasper, and Monroe.  Jasper was still snarling and the other two looked ready to take him down again.

None of the three was willing to openly express what they had been arguing about or what had caused Jasper to lose it and attack the other two, but Bellamy could imagine.

“Never mind,” Bellamy said roughly before adding authoritatively, “Take a break. Step away, Jasper. Miller, Monroe, come with me.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

While Clarke was off sketching by the river, Echo had gone to her clan leader with a request.  They had spoken at length when Echo and Clarke had first arrived, at which time Echo had relayed the glorious and victorious tale of Clarke of the Sky People who had taken down the Mountain Men nearly single-handed.

She had not, however, told the more personal story of how Belomi kom Skaikru had saved her, how she owed him her life.  It was not that she had no desire to tell what had happened but more that she was wary of speaking about it in front of Clarke. Echo was still unsure of what Belomi and Clarke’s connection to each other was and she did not wish to burden the younger woman with her tale when she was so clearly broken herself.

So she quietly observed as Clarke sketched, over and over, the sad face of the man Echo eventually came to learn was her co-leader.  And when Echo spoke with wounded warrior of the Sky People, it was both the words she said, as well as everything she didn't say, that convinced Echo of Clarke's deep attachment to this man.  The same man who had freed Echo from her cage in the mountain.  The man to whom she now owed an enormous debt.

Echo wondered, however, if the attachment was mutual. Did Belomi kom Skaikru feel the same way towards Clarke?  

After two weeks of Echo watching and waiting, trying to learn more, she came to the conclusion that if she were to receive any answers to her questions, she must see Belomi interacting with Clarke for herself.  Because, she thought, If he was not committed to Clarke in that way, Echo knew she wanted to pursue Belomi for herself.  A strong leader, a brave warrior...they could forge an unbreakable alliance between their peoples.

As soon as Clarke left the village that day, saying she would be back by sundown, Echo went with determined footsteps to the new heda’s tent and requested an audience.

When she was allowed entrance, Echo greeted the leader by speaking her title.

“Heda.”

“Echo,” the warrior woman, who was several years Echo’s junior, responded.  “You asked to speak with me. What is it that you have to say?”

Without mincing words, Echo confidently stated, “I wanted to share the rest of my story from the Mountain and make a request.”

Giving a nod, the leader said, “Go on.”

“There is a great warrior among the Sky People who was in the cage beside mine,” Echo began. “He volunteered to be bled in my place. And he freed me before the Commander made the deal to have us released. I owe him my life and I believe I have found a way to repay him.”

“And what way is that?” The warrior’s ferocity could be heard in her voice but so could the curiosity as well.

Echo replied, “It is my understanding that he and his co-leader are very important to each other.  I would like to send someone to the Sky People’s camp to make him aware that his co-leader, Clarke kom Skaikru, is here with us and invite him and his advisors to visit our village. I would like to see for myself the nature of this closeness as I am interested in aligning myself with him on a personal level.”

A quizzical look crossed the younger woman’s features as she asked, “And how exactly would that serve to repay your debt?”

“Because, Heda,” Echo answered, a shrewdness in her unwavering gaze, “During his visit, I would like to offer - with your permission - an alliance between the River People and the Sky People. One that would provide open trade of goods and technology between our people and theirs.”

The leader looked to her advisors and pondered for several moments before she nodded and said, “Send one of our scouts to their camp to advise this Belomi kom Skaikru as you say. He and his advisers may be invited to discuss an alliance or a trade agreement. The Sky People have technology, correct?”

“Yes,” Echo confirmed.

“Good. That will be our wish, then. We will hear their requests and we will ask for use of their technology and the ability to apprentice with them to learn how to create technologies of our own.”  

“Who should I send, Heda Sigma?” Echo asked.

“Send Delta,” Sigma replied. “Delta should not have any trouble finding the Sky People’s camp given minimal description of its location. And she will make haste with her task.”

Echo nodded her agreement and then said, “I have one more request, Heda. I fear that if Clarke knows that we are attempting to communicate with her people, she will leave. Can we keep our meeting and negotiations from being made public knowledge in the village for now?”

“If she chooses to leave, we will not stop her,” Sigma warned, “But we will do as you say and keep things quiet for now.”

“Thank you, Heda,” Echo said with gratitude. “I will speak to Delta now.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Less than two hours after Delta left her village, she crossed paths with a Trigedakru pair.  The Trigedakru weren’t enemies of the River People, but after everything that had happened at Tondc and Mount Weather, their alliance was less than stable.

Cautiously, with her weapon at the ready, Delta made her presence known and asked, “What is your purpose so far from your woods, Tree People?”

It was the man who spoke first while the woman mirrored Delta, spear in hand.

“We have come from Camp Jaha, the home of the Sky People. We are looking for one of their leaders, the one known as Clarke. Do you or your people have any news of her?”

Still wary, Delta dropped her weapon to her side and asked suspiciously, “What do you wish of her?”

A brief but meaningful glance passed between the warrior couple before the man said, “Our only desire is to locate her, assure ourselves of her safety and well-being, and report back to her people when we know that she is safe and well.”

Delta debated for several moments as to what she should do.  She did not know the exact location of Camp Jaha which meant that sharing information with the two before her could cut a significant amount of time from her journey and allow her to return to her people sooner. It would also mean that it would be more likely for the Sky People to accept her news and invitation rather than questioning or doubting her.

Her decision made, Delta looked the man in the eye and said simply, “Clarke kom Skaikru has been taking refuge with my people for the last fortnight. I have been asked by my heda’s second to bring news of this to Belomi kom Skaikru and the Chancellor.”  She paused for a moment to study the warriors who had glanced at each other sharply as she spoke and continued to communicate with each other silently through their very expressive eyes.

“I have also been instructed to invite Belomi kom Skaikru and his advisors to meet with our leaders to discuss an alliance and trade agreement.”

These words stopped the pair cold and it was now their turn to study her. Again, they seemed to have a lengthy conversation in the midst of their silence before the man turned to her and spoke with authority.

“We will take you to Camp Jaha so that you can deliver your message in person and return to your people with the answer you seek.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“Lincoln,” Octavia whispered in urgent tones, “How do we know we can trust her?”

“We don’t,” Lincoln answered simply, aware of every step the stranger took, every move she made.  He was at the ready and he knew Octavia was as well. She was no longer naive to the ways of the ground. He glanced at her and added evenly, “You know this just as well as I do. Why are you questioning your instincts and training now?”

He knew the answer but he wanted to hear her say it. And he did.

“I can’t let her get Bellamy’s hopes up about Clarke. She may be with them now but that doesn’t mean she will be by the time Bellamy gets to her,” Octavia said with quiet urgency, her need to protect her brother as much as she could heard clearly in her voice.

“Bellamy can handle himself,” Lincoln assured her with a glance, then added pointedly, “But you know that as well.”

Octavia’s features clearly reflected her conflicted emotions and she sighed, shoulders drooping as she admitted her own perceptions, “I’m not sure that he can. Not when it comes to Clarke.”

Lincoln stopped for a moment and turned to face her, drawing her in so that he could rest his forehead against hers.  

“Regardless of what happens with Clarke, the Sky People would greatly benefit from an alliance with the River Clan. If there is a chance for that, we must make sure this scout’s request is heard.”

**  
**For the rest of the trip back to Camp Jaha, neither of them spoke more than was necessary to each other or their new companion, but the moment they walked through the gate at Camp Jaha, Lincoln grabbed and squeezed Octavia’s hand while calling out, “Where is Bellamy? Our guest has brought him a message.”


	5. Chapter 5

Camp Jaha’s leaders met in the Ark Council room to hear what the River Person had to say. Abby was now mostly healed from her ordeal in the mountain and took her place around the table as Chancellor. Kane was by her side as he always seemed to be these days. Lincoln and Octavia were seated next to each other with Bellamy and the messenger across from them.

“Who are you and why have you come here?” Abby asked after introductions had been made.

“I am Delta of the River People,” the scout said, “And I have been sent here with a message for Belomi of the Sky People.”

Bellamy turned to the woman with both curiosity and dread. “I’m Bellamy of the Sky People.” He studied her intently with guarded eyes and asked, “What’s your message?”

Delta glanced at the others around the table but focused solely on Bellamy when she said, “I am to invite you to our village to discuss a trade agreement. We have seen your weapons and the medicine that Clok kom Skaikru has brought to us. We would like to know how they work so that we can use them ourselves.”

At Clarke’s name, Bellamy’s jaw tensed and Abby blurted out urgently, “Clarke? You’ve seen Clarke?”

It took only a moment for Delta to nod once in Abby’s direction before she turned back to Bellamy again. “I was sent by Echo of the River People. She believed that you might wish to know that Clok kom Skaikru is residing with our people. She is safe and she is well. She does not know that I am here now. Her ways have been most interesting to observe. Our leader would like to consider an alliance with you.”

His heart ached and his lungs constricted in his chest but Bellamy refused to allow any of his internal responses to her words to show outwardly. Instead he asked gruffly, “What’s in it for us?”

Every eye in the room fixed on Delta, waiting for her answer.

“Assistance in preparing for the winter, in building up your village to withstand the elements,” came the reply.

Abby looked sharply at Kane, sharing a tense moment of silent communication. Lincoln and Octavia did the same. The only one who didn’t have a partner to share his thoughts with was Bellamy. He gritted his teeth to keep himself from turning to the empty space where Clarke should have been.

If Clarke was living among these people, and Echo, who had worked with him to save their people in the Mountain, was sending this invitation, then maybe it was sincere. Maybe they could solve the problems they’d been having with preparing for something they’d never experienced. Maybe they could avoid any more unnecessary arguments and injuries that resulted from not knowing what they were doing.

Maybe he could convince Clarke to come home.

Without consulting the others, Bellamy squared his jaw, a determined look in his eyes, and said to Delta, “We’ll do it.”

There was no hint of emotion on Delta’s face at his words. She simply nodded and said, “You are to bring your advisors in two weeks’ time to Tomac where you will meet with Heda Sigma and her second, Echo.”

“What about Clarke?” Bellamy demanded.

A hint of pity appeared in Delta's eyes and then was gone. She held Bellamy’s gaze without blinking as she said, “Clok does not know that I am here. I do not know whether our leaders will speak with her about the meeting prior to your arrival or not. It is not my place to know.” Delta paused a moment to let her words sink in before adding, “To my knowledge, she is welcome to stay or leave whenever she wishes. She has provided much knowledge of healing in her time with us.”

Internally, Bellamy struggled between his sense of responsibility and his need to see Clarke for himself, safe and unharmed. He could feel the weight of four sets of eyes on him, waiting for him to decide what he was going to do. He glanced at each of them, trying to read their expressions, but in the end it was his own pressing need that most influenced his decision.

“I’m going back with you,” Bellamy stated.

Hesitantly, Delta said, “I do not know if that would be wise.”

“Wise or not, I’m going,” Bellamy said stubbornly.

“Bellamy,” Abby started, but he cut her off before he could find out what she wanted to say.

“I’m going, Abby,” Bellamy repeated with a certainty that would not be shaken. “I need to see for myself that Clarke is okay.”

Abby’s eyes softened in understanding and she gave him a small nod before saying quietly, “I was only going to tell you to make sure she knows she’s welcome here whenever she’s ready.”

The muscle in his jaw flexed and Bellamy nodded in response, forcing his breathing to be even, unsure of his ability to keep his voice steady if he were to speak.

Kane, too, gave Bellamy an encouraging half-smile and said, “Go. We’ll take care of things here and catch up in time for the meeting.”   

Bellamy nodded and his eyes moved to Lincoln.

“I will bring the others to join you when it is time,” Lincoln told him solemnly.

Octavia spoke up next.  “You know my thoughts, big brother, but you haven’t tried to keep me from doing what I’ve needed to do in a long time so I figure I’d probably better follow your example on this one. I’ll be there for the negotiations unless you need me to stay here with the camp.”

Her words were surprising. Usually she wanted to be in the thick of everything, but perhaps because this was to be negotiating with (hopefully) no fighting involved, she was more willing to stay put than she would normally be. Either way, Bellamy was grateful for her cooperation.

“I’ll let the Chancellor and Kane decide how to best protect the camp in their absence,” Bellamy said, “But it might be a good idea for you to stay here, O, and keep everyone working. I can’t think of anyone else who might be better at handling the unexpected if any problems should arise.”

Delta had stayed silent through all of this but now she said to Bellamy, “If you are coming with me, you will need to go now and gather your supplies.”

Kane spoke up and said kindly, “Please, stay the night. Rest. You can leave again in the morning.”

The River Woman considered the offer and nodded in agreement, “I will accept your hospitality.” She then turned to Bellamy and said, “We will leave at sunrise.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Bellamy got hardly any sleep that night. In fact, he was cursing Kane for suggesting they wait until morning to leave. He’d been all ready to jump up right then, cram a few things in his pack, and be on his way. But no, Marcus Kane had to be practical when all Bellamy wanted was to be rash.

He lay there on his thin blanket and stared into the dark.  It hadn’t even been three weeks since he’d last seen Clarke and yet it felt like a lifetime. What was she doing, he wondered. Was she sleeping soundly or was rest just as elusive for her as it was for him?

Eventually, he fell into a restless slumber. One so light that his eyes flew open at the slightest rustle of of a breeze against the flap of his tent. He grabbed for his gun and trained it on the flap within seconds, waiting to see if he was being paranoid or if there actually was someone outside, using the wind as a cover.

“Show yourself,” Bellamy ordered even as he wondered if he was making a fool of himself.

The tent flap rustled again and Octavia appeared, looking mildly amused when she saw the weapon pointed at her along with the look of fear and determination on her brother’s face.

“Put the gun down,” Octavia scoffed, then smirked and teased, “I’m not even here to try to stop you from going to Tomac. I just think you’d be better off going with the rest of us. But you’re a Blake. I know you won’t listen to reason. So instead I’m just going to give you a hug and remind you to take care of yourself. I don't intend to be short a big brother any time soon.”

Bellamy grinned and chuckled, the rifle now laid aside as he pushed himself up, took the hand she offered him, and pulled her into a tight bear hug.

“Well I have no intention of dying any time soon so I guess that works for both of us,“ Bellamy said.

Octavia rolled her eyes but was serious when she pulled back from him and said, “You know she might not want to see you, right? I mean, she did leave for a reason. She could run again the second she sees you. Then what would you do?”

“I’d stay and learn what I could about the River People before we do any negotiating with them,” Bellamy said firmly, having already thought through all the possibilities during his sleepless night.

Shaking her head, Octavia said, “All right, big brother. I hope you know what you’re doing.”  She gave him another hug and a kiss on the cheek before disappearing through the tent flap again.

Thirty minutes later, Bellamy was dressed and packed, prepared for the journey ahead. He met Delta near the gate, nodded to her in greeting and asked, “Ready to go?”

“Yes,” Delta responded before telling him, “Our journey will take two days.  We will make camp not far from the ruins of Tondc and arrive at Tomac before noon tomorrow.”

“All right,” Bellamy said, taking in the information as the gates were opened for them. “Lead the way.”

****  
  


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

There was hardly any communication between Delta and Bellamy as they moved swiftly over the rough terrain.  It made time creep by slowly while Bellamy wished for a more familiar companion.  

He watched and he listened, alert to his surroundings, but the further into the day it got, the more Bellamy started to see things that weren’t there. Like Clarke hidden among the trees. At first, he was afraid he was losing his mind, but eventually concluded that the hallucinations were more likely the result of lack of sleep than any mental aberration.

When they made camp for the night, it was Bellamy who finally broke the silence. As he took out a nutrition packet and tore it open, he looked over at Delta, studying her for a moment. His eyes narrowed, almost as if he were trying to see through her before he asked, “Have you had any contact with Clarke personally?”

Delta shook her head and responded, “No, I have not, but I have seen her around camp. She keeps to herself. She has a small notebook that she has with her all the time. I do not know what she does with it. Perhaps you know.”  She paused, now scrutinizing him as he had done with her.  “You care for her. She is...special to you.”

Bellamy wasn't quite sure how to answer her.  Although he realized she hadn't actually asked a question, simply stated an observation, he still felt compelled to say something. The problem was, what? If he agreed with her assessment, would it somehow put Clarke in danger? If he denied the truth of her words, what damage could it cause later on?

In the end, he did neither. Instead, he gave a fairly ambiguous reply.  “You’re very observant. Must come in handy.  You’re a scout, right?”

She nodded but did not say a word so he tried again. “Were you with the army that was supposed to help take down Mount Weather?”

Her eyes hardened and she said, “I know who you are, Belomi kom Skaikru, and I do not believe it is in my best interest to speak with you of the Mountain.”

A half-smile quirked the corner of Bellamy’s mouth upward, amused to realize that she was just as wary of him as he was of her. Instead of trying to continue along that conversational path, Bellamy decided to go for a different approach.

“You said that Echo had sent you,” he began, “How is she? Has she recovered from her time as a prisoner?”

For a moment, Delta’s face was a mask of indecision but then she gave a single nod as if she’d decided she could at least give him that much information.

Bellamy’s face lit up with a genuine smile of satisfaction as he said, “Good. She helped me out when I needed it most. I owe her a lot for that.”

His words brought confusion to Delta’s features. Enough so that he felt the need to say, “Whatever you want to know, ask. I won’t be offended and I also won’t answer unless I choose to.”

It took her some time to gather her thoughts but when she spoke, what she said wasn’t even close to anything Bellamy might have expected.

“I understood it to be Echo who owed her life to you.”

An ironic smile played about his lips as he wondered if they still owed each other or if their debt had been paid.

“Maybe we’re even, then,” he speculated as he stared into the fire.

“We should sleep,” Delta said, interrupting his thoughts, “Would you like first watch or second?”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

They started off at sunrise again, but this time there was a more companionable silence between them. The closer they got to the village, the more nervous Bellamy became. He’d never been nervous about seeing or being around Clarke before, but this would be different. She wasn’t looking for him, expecting him, hoping to see him. As far as she knew, he had no idea where she was. How would she react when she found out that belief was wrong?

When they reached the river, Delta rested her hand on Bellamy’s arm and he stopped. She motioned toward a boulder at the water’s edge.

Bellamy’s eyes followed her gesture until he saw the figure seated on the rock. He inhaled sharply, his mouth went dry, and his heart skipped a beat before it began to hammer in his chest.  

He swallowed hard and stepped out from under the shadow of the trees into the sunlight to say, “Clarke.”

Clarke looked up, startled, trying to find where the familiar voice had come from.  Her eyes found his and the intensity in them left her speechless, unable to look away.

**  
** Like a magnet, he was drawn toward her, his feet moving as if they had a mind of their own.  And when he was close enough that he could see for himself that there wasn’t a scratch on her, Bellamy smiled boyishly and said, “I tried to do what you asked but it turns out I’m not very good at it without you.”


	6. Chapter 6

Unsure at first if he was real or just some waking dream, Clarke could only stare at Bellamy in stunned silence as she tried in vain to get her lips to move and her voice to utter a sound.  She cleared her throat, but still managed only the smallest squeak.  Inwardly, she cursed her obvious reaction to his unanticipated appearance, but could think of nothing she expected to see less than Bellamy Blake walking towards her in the sunshine.

The twinkle of amusement that had lit Bellamy’s eyes, turning them a glorious shade of mahogany, began to dissipate into uncertainty as he waited for Clarke to come to terms with his presence. He wished he could read her mind to know whether he was welcome or not, but then he realized that he didn’t care. At least, not much. He’d rather be here and have her angry with him than be back at Camp Jaha worrying if she was alive and well.

Clarke mentally shook herself out of her stupor when she saw his fidgeting and recognized it for what it was - nerves. _‘What does HE have to be nervous about?’_ She swallowed hard and forced a disbelieving smile as she finally managed a coherent sentence.

"Bellamy," she said, slipping from the rock so she could wrap her arms around him.  "What are you doing here?"

The moment Bellamy felt her in his arms, he released the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.  He sank into the comfort of her embrace, squeezing her tightly in return. _'I wonder if  we’ll ever get to the point where this could happen on a more regular basis...’_

After everything they’d been through both together and separately, there wasn’t a doubt in Bellamy’s mind as to what he wanted. But he knew - _lord, did he know_ \- that after what she’d taken upon herself to do for Finn, there was no way Clarke was ready for anything more than the friendship, the partnership, they already had.

With that in mind, Bellamy decided to give her his official reason for being in Tomac rather than his personal one.

“We were invited by the clan leader to discuss a trade agreement, maybe an alliance,” he said as he stepped back so he could see her as they talked, putting an arm’s length between them.

“That would be good,” Clarke said thoughtfully before adding with a small smile of admiration, “Sounds like you’re doing well, Bellamy.”

He knew that tone. It was her _‘determined to only talk business’_ tone. His brows rose and he pursed his lips, ducking his head to hide the smile he couldn’t quite keep from forming.

“Clarke,” he began, the word was teasing as he stated the obvious, “The meeting isn’t taking place for another two weeks. I’m here because the messenger sent to invite us also told us that you were here with them.”

Her eyes met his and there was something in them that he couldn’t quite read as she protested, “But our people. They need you.”

_‘And I need you.’_ Bellamy had to bite back the words to keep them from spilling out. He knew she wasn’t ready to hear them. May never be ready to hear them. But they were true all the same. As far as he was concerned, it would be a cold day in hell before he went anywhere or did anything without Clarke again. She may not have been willing to admit it in that moment and she may have felt she didn’t deserve it, but she needed him, too. He knew it.

Instead of saying exactly what he was thinking, though, he shrugged and said, “Lincoln and Octavia are leading a hunting party to gather up stores for the winter and Miller’s in charge of construction. Raven and Wick are doing their thing. Everything’s taken care of, Clarke. What more would you have me do?”

She could hear the challenge, that ever-present bit of defiance in his words, and it made her smile.  “You don’t take orders from me. How could I forget?”

Bellamy grinned when she repeated his own words back to him, then joined her as she sat back down on her rock.  He glanced at her out of the corner of eye, his expression sobering just a little as he asked, "Are you okay?"

“I will be,” she responded, closing up her sketchbook and setting it aside. “I just...I can’t be in charge anymore.”

“I know,” Bellamy said softly, reaching behind him for a tiny stone. He tossed it into the water before adding, “You didn’t have to leave to make that happen.”

“Yes, I did,” Clarke said with quiet conviction, turning her head to meet Bellamy’s gaze, “You know that just as much as I do or you wouldn’t have let me leave.”

“Since when does anyone let Clarke Griffin do anything?” Bellamy asked, his brows lifted.

“You know what I mean,” Clarke responded. “I did what I had to do, Bellamy. But living with it is so...hard. It’s just easier to not have to deal with all the reminders around camp of the decisions I made.”

_‘Easier for you maybe...’_ Bellamy wanted to say bitterly, but he kept quiet. He knew she felt guilty enough about the choices she’d made. She didn’t need him burdening her with how difficult things had been for him without her, especially since it was clear that she was nowhere near being ready to go back with him. Yet.

When he didn’t respond, Clarke decided she needed to explain herself further and said, “I figured you might not want me around anyway once Octavia told you what happened in Tondc.”

Bellamy looked at her sharply and asked, “What does that mean?”

With a shrug, Clarke replied, “It means that I left your sister to die. I didn’t tell her about the missile. She made it out but that was pure luck. It had nothing to do with me.”

It had always been clear to Bellamy that Clarke wouldn't have made such a decision lightly. The choice to leave Octavia in the dark haunted her even now, in spite of the fact that his sister was safe and had spent the last two weeks looking for Clarke.

“I don’t blame you for that, Clarke,” he said, looking down at his feet. “And Octavia’s coming to terms with what happened as well.”

“She shouldn’t have to, Bellamy,” Clarke protested, her blue eyes intense as she stared at his profile. “I left her to die. She has every right to be angry with me.”

“But she didn’t die,” Bellamy stated firmly. “That has to be enough.”

“It’s not,” Clarke whispered, looking down at her hands. “It can’t be.”

Bellamy refused to accept her words as being the final say in the matter. He rose from the rock and stood facing her, leaning in as he reached for her chin and gently lifted it so that her eyes would meet his.

“How can you say that, Clarke? How can you say that when it’s only because of you that our people are safe?”

She shook her head, her eyes tearing up as her lower lip quivered and she said, “You’re the hero here, Bellamy. Not me. I’m a monster. I left your sister to die. I didn’t think twice before I shot Wallace. And the only thing I could think as I watched all those people die was how I should have just opened the door when we were first brought to Mount Weather, when I had the chance.”

“That doesn’t make you a monster, Clarke,” Bellamy said, his voice gruff with quiet conviction. “It makes you human.”

“Does it?” Clarke asked in despair, “You were standing right there with me, trying to find another way, all the way up to the last moment. I knew the second you opened that door in the tunnel, I KNEW I’d let all of the mountain people die if it meant our people would make it out of there alive.”

Her last words caught on a sob and Bellamy tried to wrap her in his arms but she pushed him away and hugged herself as tightly as she could instead.

“No, NO,” she cried stubbornly, insistently, “I don’t deserve to be comforted. Not by you. Not by anyone. Don’t you understand? This is why I left. This is why I can’t go back. And nothing you say will change my mind.”   

Bellamy stood and watched her closely, forcing himself to remain a few feet back lest he give in to the urge to shake some sense into her.  When he finally spoke, his voice was detached but firm.

“And that’s why you think I’m here? To pressure you into coming back with me.”  He shook his head and huffed a humorless laugh. “You’re Clarke Griffin. When has anyone ever been able to MAKE you do anything?”

“Then why are you here?” Clarke asked in a small voice, only tentatively meeting his gaze. “The truth.”

“I told you,” Bellamy began, “It turns out I’m not very good at taking care of our people without you.”

Clarke blinked, her brow furrowed in confusion as she worried her lower lip, trying to make sense of his words. “But if you’re not here to get me to go back with you, then…?”

“I’ll stay here with you,” Bellamy stated matter-of-factly, “Or go with you if you leave. It doesn’t really matter, Clarke. Between your mom, Kane, Lincoln, Octavia, and Miller, things at Camp Jaha are taken care of. Especially if this trade agreement happens.”

“What are you saying, Bellamy?” Clarke asked, her tears beginning to dry, leaving dirt-smudged tracks on both of her cheeks.

_‘What am I saying?’_ Bellamy asked himself before he cleared his throat and said, “I’m saying I don’t have a place there. Not without you.”

Astounded by his words, Clarke didn’t know how to respond. She shook her head and smiled ruefully.  “Well, since you don’t take orders from me, I guess I can’t stop you from staying. But Bellamy, what about Octavia? What about Monty and Jasper, Raven, Wick?”

“Octavia has Lincoln now,” Bellamy answered, “The rest have each other. All I was doing was breaking up fights, Clarke. They don’t need me for that. They need to figure out how to work things out for themselves.”

“Soo…” Clarke paused, almost afraid to say the words aloud, “You’re staying.”

“You stay, I stay,” Bellamy confirmed, “You go, I go.”

“What will you do?” Clarke couldn’t help but ask curiously.

Bellamy shrugged, unconcerned, “Make myself useful. I can hunt, dry skins, build stuff. Whatever they need.” His brows rose and he turned the question back on her. “And what will you do?”

“Me?” she asked in surprise, unprepared to answer that question. “Probably what I have been doing. Helping with the sick and injured, drawing, being as inconspicuous as possible.”

“Okay then,” Bellamy nodded as if her words settled their plan. “When your mom and Kane come for the negotiations, I’ll let them know I’m staying.”

“Or you could leave with them,” Clarke felt compelled to suggest.

“Not a chance,” Bellamy responded, his eyes narrowed to the point that Clarke could have sworn he was looking right into her soul.

Determined not to think about why he was staying with her or what it might mean, Clarke simply shrugged and slid off the rock before saying, “Suit yourself. You’ll get bored soon enough.”

But he didn’t.  Clarke watched him each day as he moved about the village. He showed the warriors how his gun was different from their bows and arrows. He joined the hunting party just as he’d said he would, taking his turn when it came to skinning the animals and cooking their meat.

He’d sit with her at meals, tell stories around the fire. She watched as the men of the village grew to respect him and the women grew to accept him. One woman in particular, Clarke noticed.

Echo.

The woman had clearly met Bellamy at some point prior to his arrival in the village. Clarke could only assume that she had been in the mountain when he had been there.  What had gone on there, though, how they had forged such a clear connection, Clarke had no idea. And every time he sat down beside her, she couldn’t seem to bring herself to ask.

Over the next week, and into the second, Clarke went to the river less and less, choosing instead to draw the people around her and the village itself. Without her realizing it, Bellamy began to appear in more and more of her sketches. First as a part of a group or gathering, then one on one with a child or elder, until finally he was the only figure on her page.

A couple of nights before the Sky People were scheduled to arrive, Clarke was seated on a stump away from the fire, a look of concentration creasing her brow as she took in the warm glow of the cozy scene before her and worked hard to reproduce it accurately in her sketchbook. Her eyes were so focused on her study of Bellamy, animatedly telling tales of Greek gods and Roman heroes, that she gasped in surprise when a voice sounded from behind her.

“He is special to you,” Echo said as she pulled up a small log and sat down beside Clarke, glancing over the other woman’s shoulder at the image on the page.

“No,” Clarke began to protest but faltered quickly, glancing at her companion out of the corner of her eye.  “I mean, yes. He is. But not in the way that you’re thinking.”

“I do not judge,” Echo responded, her voice giving nothing away. “I only observe.”

“And what do you see?” Clarke asked cautiously, almost afraid to hear what the grounder might answer.

“I see a wounded warrior,” Echo said cryptically, “One who is damaged inwardly rather than outwardly.”

Clarke tore her gaze away from Bellamy and the others around the fire.  “I have blood on my hands, Echo. I’ve taken lives. I deserve to be broken.”

“No,” Echo responded, meeting Clarke’s eyes. “You deserve to be whole. Forgive yourself and you will be made new.”

The words were odd to Clarke and she struggled to make sense of them even while something about them rang true to her, touching her soul. Her brow furrowed in thought as she looked back to the fire. When she glanced over again, Echo was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

Camp Jaha’s leaders would be arriving within a few hours and Bellamy hadn’t seen Clarke since breakfast. He’d been tempted to follow her that morning when she’d quietly slipped from the village with her notebook in hand. The thought of her out there, alone, where she could easily disappear from his life again was nerve-wracking. But they’d come so far over the last couple weeks. Or at least he thought they had. She wouldn’t leave him again...would she?

Just when he thought he'd have to give in to his anxiety and look for her at the river, he spotted a familiar blonde head as Clarke emerged from the woods and made her way across camp. The relief he felt just knowing she was still alive, still unharmed - and still around - should have seemed absurd, but somehow it didn't. He’d come too close to losing her for that.

Bellamy watched her until she stopped in the middle of a group of children who all looked like they were asking her something, pulling at her arms and looking up at her expectantly.  Clarke had such a bright, almost mischievous smile on her face as she spoke with them. The sight of that smile filled him with longing to be closer to her, to feel a little of that sunshine turned on himself.

Silently, he pushed himself up from the log where he’d been whittling away at a new bow for one of the young boys who had taken to following him around camp and headed in Clarke’s direction.  

As usual, it seemed as though she could sense his presence before she saw him.  Her eyes sought his, and for several long moments their gazes held and that smile of hers was just for him. It warmed him from the inside out and he couldn’t help grinning in response as he came to stand beside her, angling his body just enough that he could see her face and talk to her casually while looking out at all the children surrounding them.

“What has you so popular with them today?” he couldn’t help but tease.

Clarke held open her hand and showed him the fresh raspberries she’d picked.  “I brought dessert,” she said in a tone so light and cheerful that it made Bellamy’s heart ache.

“Well then,” he said airily, snagging one from her palm and popping it in his mouth, “I’d better test them and make sure they’re safe.”

The children surrounding them protested loudly in Trigedasleng, words that were becoming more familiar to both Clarke and Bellamy every day.  Some were saying it wasn’t fair for Bellamy to get first pick and others were saying Clarke had brought the treats for them, not for him.

Bellamy laughed and swiped another berry, winking at Clarke when she pursed her lips and glared at him as she tried to hide her amusement.  This, Bellamy thought, was how things were supposed to be. Relaxed. Playful. Fun. The urge to rub berry juice on Clarke’s lips and then kiss them clean was almost too much for him to bear.  It hit him hard and fast, and the wave of desire must have shown on his face, because the next thing he knew Clarke was flustered and handing him half the berries.  Her face was tinged with color as she distributed the rest of the fruit to the children, all the while not quite meeting Bellamy's eyes.

Yes, they'd come a long way in two weeks' time, but they still had some ways to go.  And there was no guarantee that the girl who was allowing him to stay by her side for now would want him there permanently, or that she would ever see him as anything more than a friend.

A short distance away, Echo had watched the entire scene. In many ways, there was nothing unusual about what she'd observed.  It was no more than what she'd seen play out more than a dozen times since Bellamy had arrived in the village.  The difference seemed to be the frequency with which these encounters occurred.  It was clear to her that Belomi kom Skaikru was thoroughly infatuated with Clarke of the Sky People. What she couldn’t understand was why he was so devoted to her when she did everything she could to keep him at arm’s length.

When the berries were gone, and the children had drifted back to their campfires and games, Echo saw Clarke take leave of Bellamy, his eyes following her as she made her way back to her tent. The River Woman decided that it was time for her to speak with the man who'd freed her from her cage in the mountain and let him know that, should he be interested, he had at least one other option when selecting his life’s partner.

She approached him with her usual confidence, her warrior’s mask in place. In her mind, it was always a battle when one was fighting for a worthy mate.

“Belomi kom Skaikru,” she said when she came near, “You are fitting in far better than I would have expected with life here in Tomac.” She paused and he studied her a moment, waiting for her to continue. “Your people arrive here today.  Will you leave with them when they leave or will you make your home here, with us?”

Something about her question seemed cryptic to Bellamy, as if she were asking something other than what her words might imply.  He eyed her cautiously but answered as honestly as he knew how. “I’ll stay as long as your people will have me.  As long as Clarke makes her home here among your people, I will, too.”

“Why does your answer depend on Clarke?” Echo asked with bold curiosity. “You are welcome whether she stays or not.”

Bellamy’s eyes narrowed and he studied Echo silently before asking bluntly, “What are you saying, Echo?”

This was her chance and she knew it.  Her dark eyes met his and she said without blinking, “If Clarke does not wish to become your life’s partner, there are others who would like to be given the opportunity to align themselves with you.”

Her words froze Bellamy to the spot, sending a jolt of discomfort through him while forming a knot in his stomach. At first, he had no idea how to respond to her, but then he realized there was only one thing he could possibly say.

“I’m flattered, Echo,” Bellamy began, “but Clarke’s been through a lot. We both have. I’m pretty committed to waiting her out to see what we can build.”

Echo had expected him to say as much but she didn’t allow his words to deter her. Instead, she asked curiously, “How long will you wait for her? What is the custom among your people?”

Bellamy huffed a laugh as his eyes were drawn to the tent that Clarke was just coming out of.  “A long, long time,” he replied softly, bringing his eyes back to Echo as he added, “Longer than any custom among my people or yours would likely find acceptable. As far as I’m concerned, I’m on Clarke’s timetable. No one else’s.”

With that, he excused himself and made his way toward Clarke again, hoping she’d calmed down from the earlier tension that had grown between them. He stepped up to her hesitantly and gave her a crooked half-smile that she returned with a small smile of her own.

“So,” he began casually, “Are you ready to see your mom?”

Clarke shrugged and sat down on a log by one of the fires. “As ready as I’m going to be, I guess.”

Taking a seat beside her, Bellamy stretched out his legs and glanced at her from the corner of his eye.  “Will you take part in the negotiations at all?” he asked.

She shook her head before looking him in the eye. “You know I want no part in that. Those are things Ark leadership should take care of and I’m not Ark leadership. Not anymore.”

“No,” Bellamy agreed reluctantly before adding, “But you do know more about what each side has that the other may want better than anyone else, including me. When they arrive, would you at least help me go over the options with them?  I want to meet with your mother and Kane before the negotiations begin, because I don't want them blindsided by anything that might be brought up.”

“Like what?” Clarke asked curiously, sounding as if she truly hadn’t thought of any of these things before their conversation.

“Like what show of faith should there be that negotiations are settled and agreed on by both sides,” Bellamy suggested, “Or what if they suggest an agreement that allows inter-marrying between their people and ours? Is that something we’d want?”

Clarke’s brow furrowed and she frowned. “I hadn’t thought of anything like that…” she said slowly. She bit her bottom lip and then nodded, looking solemnly into his eyes, “Ok. I’ll be in the meeting. Both meetings,” she corrected, “But I’m not a leader. I’m a...an observer. And a...negotiator. Neutral. Okay?”

“Okay,” Bellamy agreed, unable to keep the corners of his lips from twitching upward into the tiniest of affectionate and triumphant smiles. “Sounds like a plan.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The group from Camp Jaha consisted of only five people: Marcus Kane, Abby Griffin, Kyle Wick, Octavia, and Lincoln.  Bellamy and Clarke shared a wary look when they arrived, both wondering if it had been wise for them to bring some of their most capable and resourceful citizens along with their leaders to this meeting. Didn’t that leave the rest of their people awfully vulnerable to attack?

Almost immediately, though, Marcus pulled Bellamy aside as if he had been expecting the concern and reassured him quietly.

“We left Sinclair in charge,” he said, “Working with Miller, Monty, and Raven. They’ll keep things under control until we get back. There hasn’t been a single Grounder sighting since the girl from this village came with her message for you. If these negotiations go well, maybe we won’t have to fear another attack in our lifetime.”

“That might be a little overly optimistic,” Bellamy countered dryly.

Marcus seemed unconcerned. He shrugged slightly and said, “The five of us, along with you and Clarke, are the best shot we have at anything positive coming from this meeting. If those of us in power weren’t the ones here to negotiate, what would that say to the leaders of Tomac?”

Following Kane’s reasoning, Bellamy nodded almost imperceptibly. “It would tell them that you weren’t serious about negotiating with them and might lead to them thinking Camp Jaha is a threat. I see what you mean. The last thing we need is a potential ally turning on us, deciding to attack.”

“Exactly,” Marcus agreed.

While Marcus and Bellamy spoke in whispered tones, Clarke greeted her mother with a hug and then she turned to Lincoln and Octavia.

Lincoln gave Clarke a small, encouraging smile and Clarke responded by breaking into a grin before offering him a brief but warm embrace.

“It’s good to see you,” she said honestly.

“And you,” Lincoln responded, looking down at her fondly before his eyes turned to Octavia, prompting her silently to say something.

“Octavia,” Clarke spoke before the other girl had the chance. Her voice was strong and she sounded confident but in reality she was more nervous than she had been in a long time. She didn’t know if Octavia had forgiven her yet or if she ever would.  Hell, most days Clarke was still having trouble forgiving herself, but somehow, ever since her talk with Echo, she’d decided she at least had to try. Maybe, just maybe, Octavia could do the same.

“Clarke,” Octavia acknowledged the greeting gruffly, a wariness in her eyes that saddened the other woman.

Before the awkwardness could get too out of control, Echo came toward them and said, “You may convene in the meeting tent for one hour. After that, Heda Sigma and I will join you. We will dine and then we will talk trade, negotiations, and alliance.”

Clarke nodded, wishing she hadn’t let Bellamy talk her into being a part of all this, but it was too late.  There was no backing out now.

Turning to the others and catching Bellamy’s eye as he and Kane joined them, Clarke motioned toward a large tent almost at the center of the village and said, “Come on.  We’re headed over there.”

Once inside, the group spoke at length about the ins and outs of the village and the River People’s way of life as Clarke and Bellamy had come to understand it throughout their time there.  When they’d provided all the insight they could, it was Marcus who spoke first.

“It sounds like we may want to start by offering help with creating an efficient water filtration system, show them how to harness the water’s energy to create electricity, some basic things like refrigeration and lights.”

Clarke nodded in agreement, and when she she saw that Bellamy was also nodding, she said, “That’s definitely a good place to start. Help build their village, give them the resources to grow without giving them the ability to destroy us with our own technology.”

“And what should we ask for in return?” Abby asked, interjecting herself  into the conversation for the first time.

“We need to request manpower in preparing cabins or other shelter for the winter,” Bellamy said, “The structures they have seem to be built out from the caves, part cabin and part tent. I’m not sure how they do it, but they’re definitely warmer than anything we’ve managed to put together so far.”

Lincoln nodded in agreement but said, “They may be reluctant to share their resources. Make sure the Sky People are prepared to journey long and hard to trade for the necessary supplies to make sound structures like these.”

“Will there be time to go on that kind of trip before the cold sets in?” Bellamy asked.

Now it was Lincoln and Octavia’s turn to share a look of silent communication. Octavia encouraged him subtly to say what he needed to say.

“Not really,” Lincoln replied honestly, “Our best bet for this winter is going to be if we migrate to the sea where it’s warmer, and even then we’d have to hope that the weather would be milder than it has been in years past.”

“Then what do you suggest?” Clarke asked.

“I suggest we take shelter in Mount Weather,” Octavia said stoically, leaving everyone around her staring at her as if she’d just grown a second head. Everyone but Lincoln, that is. The two of them had argued in circles about this suggestion for hours. It wasn’t ideal but it was a practical solution.

Clarke gritted her teeth and unconsciously held her breath while every muscle in her body tensed at what had just been said.  Right up to that moment, she’d actually been considering the possibility of leaving with her mom, going back to Camp Jaha with Bellamy, facing the rest of her people. But one mention of that blasted mountain and Clarke couldn’t even stand to be in the room anymore.

Suddenly, she rose from the circle they’d been seated in and murmured, “I’m sorry...I just need some air…”

Bellamy jumped up immediately, calling Clarke’s name as he ran out to join her.

As soon as they were away from the meeting tent, Clarke spun on her heel, hugging herself tightly and shaking her head as she said, “Bellamy, I can’t. I thought I could but I can’t. I’m sorry.”  

His rough hands rested on her shoulders before running up and down her upper arms as he looked down at her with concern.  “Hey, it’s ok. It’s gonna be ok, Clarke.”

“No, it’s not,” Clarke disagreed, her voice easily telling him that she was on the edge of hysteria. “It’s not ok and it’ll never be ok. Not for anyone we killed at Mount Weather. Not for Jasper. Not for Maya.” Tears glistened in her eyes and her voice broke as she asked, “How could Octavia even think that could be possible? There HAS to be another way…”

“Clarke,” Bellamy said gently, “It really was just a suggestion. I doubt anyone would willingly agree to go back to the mountain. Besides, it would take a lot of work to be able to use the mountain like O suggested. Probably more work than we’d be able to handle, even with the help of the River People.”

Taking several deep breaths to calm herself, Clarke thought about his words and finally nodded slowly, looking up into his eyes with a cautious hope.  “You really think our people can survive the winter without taking shelter in Mount Weather?”

Bellamy shrugged and said with easy confidence, “We’ve survived everything else the ground has thrown our way, haven’t we?”

“Not all of us,” Clarke said softly as she thought of Fox, Wells, Charlotte...Finn. She hadn’t been enough for them. She hadn’t been enough for anyone, really.

As if sensing the dangerous track her mind was leading her down, Bellamy took her chin gently but firmly between his thumb and forefinger so he could direct her gaze to his own.

“Hey,” he said quietly, “You’ve done good. None of us would be here still if it weren’t for you.”

She pulled back from his grasp, biting her bottom lip and shaking her head as she thought of Octavia’s words to her in the Reaper tunnel. _‘I’m doing the best that I can!’_ she’d told Octavia and the warrior’s fierce response had been, _‘That’s not good enough!’_  Everyone was always counting on her and she was always letting them down.

“Don’t say that,” she pleaded, “I’ve made so many mistakes. So many people are dead because of me. Because of decisions I’ve made that I can’t undo. I did my best, I tried my hardest, and I still came up short. Octavia said it wasn’t good enough. And she was right.”

“Clarke,” Bellamy said sternly, ignoring what she’d said about his sister for the time being.  “We’ve all done things we wish we hadn’t, made choices we’d like to take back. It doesn’t do any good to live in the past, regretting things that can’t be changed. The only thing you can do is admit that you messed up and move on. Don’t let those ghosts haunt you for the rest of your life. You deserve more than that.”

Did she?  The mountain had fallen and her people had been saved but she’d had to turn off her humanity to do it. If she allowed herself to feel again, what might the consequences be? Could she face the guilt that had threatened to consume her?  Could she allow herself the luxury of trying to be happy again?

Taking a long, deep breath, Clarke squared her shoulders, stood to her full height, and looked Bellamy straight in the eye as she agreed resolutely, “WE deserve more than that.”

He studied her for several moments as if trying to figure out what had changed but then he simply nodded and motioned with his head back toward the meeting tent. “Come on, let’s go figure out how NOT to use Mount Weather as a shelter,” he said seriously, then added with a cautiously hopeful smile, “Then maybe we can discuss this _‘more’_ we’re deserving of.”

**  
**Clarke rolled her eyes and shoved Bellamy’s shoulder lightly. As he stepped back inside the tent, she watched him fondly and wondered at how right it felt to have him by her side.  She pushed the thought away as she followed him inside, telling herself there'd be plenty of time to analyze that sentiment later.


	8. Chapter 8

Back in the meeting tent, everyone looked at Clarke and Bellamy expectantly, waiting to see if either of them had come up with a better plan or if instead their little venture outside had had nothing at all to do with the subject under discussion.  The returning pair shared a glance before Bellamy opened his mouth to speak first.

“We think it would be a good idea to use the resources of Mt. Weather as long as we don't actually take shelter there,” he said. “There’s too much history, too much horror inside that mountain for all of us and some of us might not be able to handle the memories. We don’t want to break our people, traumatize them further, when all we’re trying to do is protect them.”

For the first time, Wick spoke up, suggesting casually, “If we have everyone working together to get equipment and supplies out, I’m sure Raven and I could design a pretty sweet facility that we could put together from the scavenged materials and the remains of the Ark. Make ourselves a more permanent camp that would probably be at least mostly completed before winter sets in.”

Kane and Abby, Lincoln and Octavia, Clarke and Bellamy all stared at Wick thoughtfully, wondering if he and Raven were really up to the challenge or if his ego was bigger than their abilities. After all, he was an engineer and she was a mechanic. That didn’t exactly speak to architectural training.

“Are you sure about that?” Kane asked earnestly, giving the other man a penetrating look.

“Sure,” Wick shrugged, “Piece of cake. Just need - “

“We don’t need the details right now,” Kane interrupted, “Just that you’ll have the capability to make it happen.”

“Absolutely,” Wick said with so much confidence that he almost sounded arrogant. “Between me, Raven, and Monty, we can draw up some plans over the next week or so. We’ll need to go to the mountain to take inventory of what we have to work with, but I’m assuming that won’t be a problem.” He paused a moment, then continued with a shrug, “I mean, none us has experience with building on this scale, but we're all pretty clever.  I think we can be innovative, improvise where we have to.”

“Wait,” Abby interrupted.  “Are we certain that this is where we want our camp to stay?  That this is where we want to make our permanent home?”

They all looked around at each other, trying to read the right answer in one another's faces.  Surprisingly, since she'd left Camp Jaha and even now refused to return there, it was Clarke who eventually spoke up firmly, making the decision for them all.

“I think it would be best to keep the camp where it is if possible.  It’s where our technology is. It’s also the last reminder we have of where we came from, what we’ve been through to get to where we are today. Those are strong reasons not to uproot our people unless we have no other choice.”

“But what about the grounders?” Octavia asked immediately. “We know we landed in the middle of Trigedakru territory. What if they want it back? Don’t want to let us stay? If Lexa still has the clans united, we could be right back where we started, asking for yet another war with them. One we already know we couldn’t win.”

“It's something we can speak with the River People about while we're in negotiations,” Kane stated.

Bellamy nodded and looked to Clarke for confirmation, “I’m sure that Echo and Sigma would be able to tell us how to petition for our own lands, the lands where Camp Jaha now stands.”

“Perhaps they would also be willing to share some insight into how our people could become an officially recognized clan of our own,” Kane suggested thoughtfully.

Clarke had still been holding Bellamy’s gaze, agreeing - albeit hesitantly - with what he had said.  But when Marcus Kane essentially announced that he wanted the Sky People to quite literally put themselves on the map with the clans, make themselves equal with each of the twelve clans that were already united...a shiver of apprehension ran down Clarke’s spine and she had to protest.

“If the clans are still working together, wouldn't we be forced to re-join the alliance?” she asked. “The same alliance that left us to die in the mountain? That betrayed us and forced us to choose between killing the mountain men or letting them kill us?”  

Beside her, Bellamy silently took her hand and squeezed it, letting his shoulder and bicep brush against her upper arm as well to remind her that he was there, that she wasn’t alone, that she never had to be alone again.

“By now, the Commander has reached Polis,” Lincoln replied. “The clans have dispersed back to their villages and will not be together again until the ceremony where the new leaders of each clan will be officially chosen.  At that time, the new leaders will all meet with the Commander to discuss and decide whether the alliance will remain intact, whether it will disband peacefully, or whether old grudges will be renewed and inter-clan wars begin again.”

“But where are the Trigedakru?” Octavia asked him in puzzlement as she thought of Indra and the others whose respect she had gained and lost in such a short period of time. She still missed her mentor greatly and wished daily that she hadn’t been forced to choose between her brother and finally finding someplace where she felt she belonged.

“They will winter in Polis and return to Tondc in the spring to rebuild,” Lincoln answered easily. Having villages destroyed, ravaged with war, was nothing new. Polis was a city of peace. A place where everyone was welcome, where war had no place, where everyone who entered was held of necessity to a truce.

“Then it sounds like we need to find a way to have our people represented in Polis at this ceremony,” Kane said reasonably.

Before anyone could say anything more, Echo entered the tent, followed by a regal and fierce-looking warrior who Bellamy and Clarke knew to be Sigma.

“It is time,” Sigma said. “Let the banquet commence.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

After the meal, the five representatives of the Sky People turned their full attention to their hosts and Marcus spoke for all of them when he said, “Thank you for your generosity and your hospitality. It is much appreciated.”

Sigma nodded in acknowledgment of his words and replied, “We have been pleased and impressed by the contributions that Clarke has made to our village since her arrival here. And Bellamy has proven to be a hard worker, respectful and innovative.  If they are an accurate representation of your people, we would do well to align ourselves with you.”

Abby and Marcus exchanged a surprised but gratified glance while Bellamy and Clarke looked at each other, bemused.

“We appreciate that vote of confidence,” Marcus said respectfully, “and we will do our best to live up to the example these two young people have set.”

“See that you do,” Sigma stated, a hard look in her eyes.  “We have much esteem for those who show themselves to be honorable, and little tolerance for anyone who proves himself a fool.”

“Understood and agreed,” Marcus said simply.  “Now, should we talk about what we might offer and request in trade or is there other business we must address first?”

With a slight but controlled wave of her hand, Sigma said, “You may proceed.”

For the next hour, Bellamy and Clarke listened to each of their people add in different tidbits and details about what the Skaikru had to offer and what they were hoping to get from the River People in return. The two former co-leaders sat and paid attention but neither felt the need to contribute to the commentary. Kane and Sigma seemed to have that well in hand.

When an agreement had been reached regarding the terms and conditions of what would be traded between the two people groups, as well as how and when the exchange of goods and services would take place, the leader of the River People eyed Marcus Kane and Dr. Abby Griffin intently and asked a question that neither had expected.

“Hedas, will you be attending the induction ceremony of the new clan leaders that will take place in Polis during the next full moon?”

Echo leaned over and spoke quietly to Sigma, her words a mystery to the others sitting around the table.  Sigma nodded as if Echo had either just given her information she was not previously aware of or had made a suggestion that was agreeable to her.  Regardless, she was soon glancing between Kane and Abby with a sort of reserved anticipation.

“We, uh, we weren’t aware of the ceremony,” Marcus replied.

Abby hastened to add, “I’m afraid we wouldn’t be prepared for winter in time if we were to attend. There are still many logistical matters that we will need to work out.”

“I see,” Sigma said thoughtfully, turning to communicate silently with her second. When she returned her gaze to the others around her, she said, “Have you considered sending Bellamy and Clarke as your representatives? They would be welcome to travel along with us.”

The leaders and former leaders of the Sky People were all stunned. They looked around the table at each other until Kane finally broke the silence.

“Well,” he turned to Abby, “I wouldn’t have a problem with that. Would you?”

“No…” Abby started slowly, her eyes turning toward her daughter imploringly, “But that would be completely up to them. At this point, I’m not sure if either of them would agree to accept that level of responsibility.”

Bellamy’s eyes met Clarke’s and he shrugged, telling her, “If you think we should go, we’ll go.” What he didn’t say aloud was what he hoped he was reminding her with his gaze.  If she decided she didn’t want to make the journey to Polis, they wouldn’t make the journey to Polis. It was just that simple.

Clarke stared at him intently, thinking through all the pros and cons, the possibilities, the probabilities...the things, the people, she would be required to face that she had no desire to ever see or think about again.

But if there was one thing that Clarke could never bring herself to do, it was back down. Especially when her people’s welfare was at stake. She gritted her teeth, sat up straighter, took a deep breath, and said firmly, “We’ll go. If that’s what we need to do, we’ll do it.”

“It’s settled then,” Marcus said, looking back and forth between the two young people who still hadn’t taken their eyes off each other.

There was nothing more distasteful to Clarke than the thought of having to face Lexa again. Except the realization that if she was going to face Lexa, she would have to tell Bellamy everything that had happened between them. Her face drained of color but Bellamy’s warm and encouraging gaze gave her strength. She wet her lips and nodded, confirming softly, “It’s settled.”

Later that night after settling in on his pallet, Bellamy stared blankly at the mended hole in the tarp above his head, lost in thought. He frowned, wondering why Clarke had been hesitant about going to Polis.

Did she just not want to be put in a position of responsibility, dealing with politics again? Something told him that there was more to it than that but he wasn’t sure what. He hoped like hell that it had nothing to do with him but he had seen the fear in her eyes and he had a feeling that whatever it was would be something he didn't want to hear.

**  
**He closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe deeply and evenly. The calming technique had no effect on his nerves. Whatever was going on with Clarke, he was going to have to ask her about it. And then, like it or not, deal with her answer.


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning dawned brightly, a perfect day with hardly a cloud in the sky, but it was hard for Clarke to appreciate its beauty.  Not only was she apprehensive about the upcoming trip to Polis, she was also filled with a nagging unease about the emotional conversation that she knew she needed to have with Bellamy before they left the village.

What she didn’t want to think about, or even admit to herself, was the reason she felt compelled to tell Bellamy about Lexa. Every single person who got close to her had either been killed or had betrayed her. She needed Bellamy but she didn’t want to let him in more than she already had. She would rather see him walk away now than be killed, possibly at Lexa’s hand.

“Clarke?”

Abby’s concerned voice drifted through the air to Clarke where she sat on a log beside the fire, waiting for her breakfast to heat up. She turned her head and gave her mother a sad little smile, indicating a spot on the log next to her where the older woman could sit.

“Are you okay, honey?” Abby asked, wanting to rest her hand on her daughter’s shoulder but not sure what Clarke might consider to be too much.

“I’ll be fine, Mom,” Clarke answered tiredly, pushing aside thoughts of Bellamy and Lexa and betrayal. “It’s just a lot to take in.”

“You’re worried,” Abby stated, turning her eyes to the fire as she asked, “What about?”

Clarke turned to her mother, a pained look on her face, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Clarke,” Abby responded gently, “You may not want to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours but you should talk to someone and you should know that I’m always here to listen.”

Refusing to look Abby in the eye, Clarke nodded, wondering how long she should put off the inevitable talk with Bellamy, then said vaguely, “I will…” before abruptly changing the subject. “Now that negotiations are over, how long will you stay?”

“A day or two,” Abby said, wishing she could break through the emotional armor her daughter had donned and didn’t seem willing to shed, even with her own mother. “Just long enough to see you off on your journey.”

The mask that Clarke wore slipped for a moment and a hint of vulnerability was evident in her eyes and her voice. She missed her mother. But she couldn’t open up to her. She couldn’t risk disappointing her again. She wouldn’t survive it. Not when she was already at risk of losing Bellamy for what she’d allowed to happen. When she looked up and met her mother’s gaze, she bit her lower lip before admitting quietly, “I’m glad you came.”

Blinking in surprise as her brows rose nearly to her hairline, Abby opened her mouth to speak but just then Kane and Bellamy approached the fire, talking softly, their heaping plates held out before them.

When the two men took their seats on another log diagonal to the one Abby and Clarke were seated on, Bellamy looked up and caught Clarke’s eyes with his own while Kane did nearly the same thing with Abby. Both men studied the women at length before glancing at each other with questions in their eyes. One shrugged and the other shook his head before shrugging in return.

Clarke wet her lips and spoke directly to Bellamy, hiding the tension thrumming through her by saying, “We were just talking about the Arkers staying until we set off on our journey.  I can’t see it being a problem if they remain here another day or two, can you?”

Bellamy could tell that this was only a small part of what had been going on before his and Kane’s arrival but he kept that observation to himself and said, “Agreed. We can help them get a real feel for the people they’re going to be working with while we’re gone.”

The two stared at one another, wondering what they were each thinking, wishing for the ability to read minds, wanting to be alone so they could talk freely but worried about what the other might say. A heaviness seemed to hang between them and Clarke suddenly knew that, whatever the result, she needed to explain to Bellamy sooner rather than later just how personal Lexa’s betrayal had been.

“Bellamy,” she began as casually as she could, “ I’m thinking it might be a good idea for us to...discuss some of the logistics of our journey. After you finish eating, that is.”

He nodded, wondering what she really wanted to talk about. He knew there was something nagging at her but he didn’t know what it was. He only hoped she hadn’t changed her mind about him staying with her, about them going to Polis together.  

Marcus and Abby knew that they’d likely been forgotten by the two young people, but that was ok with them. It gave them a chance to talk in whispers about where to start with their winter plans for Camp Jaha and who they would send to the mountain to salvage supplies.

Just as Wick emerged from a tent, and Lincoln and Octavia came from the woods to join them, Bellamy set his empty plate down beside him, stood, and motioned to Clarke with his head.  “Come on. Let’s talk.”

Clarke rose and greeted the newcomers, then excused Bellamy and herself from their presence, promising to catch up with them all later.  When she and Bellamy had made their way to the edge of the camp, she said to him, “I’d like to go sit by the river. There are other places we could talk privately but I love the soothing sound of the rushing water.”

Bellamy raised a brow and wondered at her need to explain that to him but responded, “Whatever you want,” silently adding, _‘Princess,’_ even though he would never use that antagonistic nickname aloud again. Not when it was sure to be a reminder of Finn’s affectionate use of the term.  

They walked in companionable silence until they reached a small footbridge that spanned precariously over one of the deeper parts of the river. Clarke sat with her feet dangling over the side and Bellamy sat beside her, turning to glance at her, wondering if he should say something or wait for her to start. He had questions of his own, but somehow it seemed like whatever she wanted to talk about should come first.

Talking to Bellamy about Lexa was the last thing that Clarke wanted to do, but she knew he deserved to know. They were going to Polis. Lexa would be in Polis. And there was no way that she was going to let Bellamy go blindly with her to the Trigedakru Capital not knowing what had happened. Not knowing how weak she’d been without him.

After sitting there for several minutes, Clarke finally began to speak quietly, her eyes on the swirling pools and eddies beneath her. “There’s something you need to know.” She paused, struggling with how to tell him what she’d hoped to never have to share with anyone.

While he’d been in the mountain risking his life to save their friends, she’d allowed herself to be in the position of being betrayed not only as a leader, but on a personal level as well. By the ruthless Commander. The woman who had refused to show mercy to Finn. The woman who had ordered that Raven be sliced repeatedly for a crime she hadn’t committed. Who had put a sword through the heart of her own most loyal advisor. Why had Clarke ever thought Lexa would be any different with her?

“What are we getting ourselves into here, Clarke?” Bellamy asked when Clarke didn’t continue right away, “You froze at the mention of Polis. Why?”

Clarke picked up a few pebbles and threw them one by one into the water.  She glanced at Bellamy and sighed before saying, “A lot happened while you were in the mountain. Not just Tondc.”

A knot of unease tied itself tightly into a pretzel deep within Bellamy’s gut as he asked,  “Such as?”

Taking a deep breath, Clarke closed her eyes for a moment as she summoned all her courage and strength. When she opened them, she focused directly on Bellamy’s face.

“Lexa…” she began haltingly, “she became my mentor in a way. She knew the pressure of making life and death decisions. She had more experience than me. She understood how I felt and could relate in a way that no one else could. I looked up to her. Even when she said that love was weakness, I believed her...”

Bellamy’s eyes narrowed as he studied her guardedly, not quite sure when he’d forgotten how to breathe. He knew that whatever she was going to say would be a test of the bond they’d created between them. But he couldn’t help remembering the words she’d spoken when she’d sent him into the mountain. ‘I was being weak.’ Had her change of heart been Lexa’s influence at work?

“Clarke,” Bellamy said sternly, “You don’t have to tell me. We’re starting fresh. Lexa, the mountain, Tondc, it’s all behind us, okay?”

But Clarke wasn’t to be swayed so easily. She shook her head and bit her lip, her eyes sad and resigned.

“I have to tell you, Bellamy,” she insisted. “You need to know what we may be facing and you need to know before we set out on this trip.”

Bellamy frowned, his brows furrowed as he tried to prepare himself mentally for the worst. “What are you trying to say, Clarke?” he asked, his tone straddling the line between nervous and impatient.  

She winced but tried to hide it and he cursed himself silently for rushing her. He was about to apologize when she took a deep breath and hesitantly began to tell her story.

“In spite of knowing better. In spite of Finn and Raven, Gustus and Tondc, I let Lexa get close. I thought I could trust her.” Clarke stopped and closed her eyes for a moment before adding miserably, “I wasn’t ready and I knew it, but it was so...NICE...not to think, not to worry, to be able to forget everything for just a minute…”

Silent and still beside her, a feeling of dread began to seep into Bellamy’s consciousness as he wondered exactly what it was she was finding so very difficult to say.

Clarke looked him straight in the eye and she said, “Lexa kissed me. And I kissed her back.” She let that register for him a moment before she added, “When she betrayed us at the mountain, she didn’t only betray our alliance. She betrayed me.” Her voice cracked as she added, “I was a fool. I knew how ruthless she could be. We needed the alliance but that didn’t mean I had to trust her, especially not on such a personal level.”  

Numb as he tried to form a coherent thought, Bellamy forced himself to ignore the sharp stab of jealousy that shot through him at her words and asked the one thing he most needed to know. “Why? Why are you telling me this?”

“She’ll be in Polis,” Clarke explained, “And I don’t know how that will be. I don’t know what to expect. She had invited me to join her there, but after what she did, I never thought I would actually go there. Especially not in this way. Not where we’re going to ask her for favor, for a name and a place for our people.” She paused, biting her lower lip before she reached for his hand and squeezed it. “I’m worried, Bellamy. And I’m angry. So angry. At her, at me. At the whole situation. What if I say or do something that puts us all at risk?”

Conflicting emotions warred within Bellamy. He felt sick. As a man, jealousy consumed him, but at the same time, he wanted to rail at Lexa on behalf of his best friend. He wanted to scream at the Commander for making his partner, the strongest person he’d ever known, feel weak. And yet, the only thing he really could do was remind Clarke that he was there - in whatever way she needed him - and that she didn’t have to face Lexa alone.

Pulling himself together, forcing himself to appear unmoved for her sake, Bellamy squeezed the hand that held his and looked at Clarke intently before saying gruffly, “If you think I’m going to judge you or say you should have known better, you’re wrong. You’re human. Just like the rest of us. No one could have known what would happen when we went to war with the mountain. Not even Lexa.”

Clarke shook her head. She knew he was right, but she’d always held herself to a higher standard. She demanded more of herself. And when she couldn’t meet her own expectations, it devastated her. She wasn’t allowed to be vulnerable. She couldn’t afford to make mistakes. And kissing Lexa had been a mistake even if it had nothing to do with the Commander’s acceptance of the Mountain Men’s proposal.

Why did Clarke continue to trust those who didn’t deserve it? Her mother had allowed her to sit in solitary for a year. Her best friend had lied to protect her from the truth. Finn had killed the innocent in her name. She should have known that Lexa would betray her. Octavia hadn’t been surprised by it. Why was she?

She didn’t deserve the trust and loyalty of her people. As far as she was concerned, she’d let them down. Jasper would certainly never forgive her. She doubted she would ever forgive herself.  It was ridiculous for Kane and her mother to be looking to her as their representative. What was she supposed to do in Polis, where the heartless warrior reigned supreme?

“I can’t do it, Bellamy,” Clarke whispered as she looked down at the water again. “I can’t go and face her. I’m not the right person to negotiate with her for our people.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Bellamy stated, staring her in the eye when she looked up at him in surprise. “You’re exactly the right person. Because of everything you just told me. You trusted her, and she’ll probably hope that you’ll trust her again.” He paused, a menacing gleam in his dark eyes. “Will you?”

“Never,” Clarke said firmly, a spark of defiance and determination in the single word. She sat with him thoughtfully, a comfortable silence falling between them before she said plainly, “But I can’t do this without you.”

  
Bellamy’s insides twisted with hope at her acknowledgment that she still needed him and he nodded without reservation, using the hand that was still holding hers to pull her into a side embrace.  “No one said you had to.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long to write and post! Summer is upon us and my kids are home from school which means I have MUCH less time to write. I'm trying, though, and I promise I'll get chapters on this and my other 100 fic posted as quickly as possible.

It was almost time for the caravan to leave for Polis and for the Sky People to head back to Camp Jaha. Except for Bellamy and Clarke. The two representatives of their people had spent the last couple of days trying to figure out how to speak for the Skaikru when they had no idea what type of reception they might receive in the grounder capital.

Clarke sighed uneasily as she packed her belongings and prepared to leave. She was on edge and only part of her nerves had anything at all to do with the upcoming trek. For as jittery as she’d been about telling Bellamy what had happened with Lexa, he’d taken it well. Too well.

There was no way, she thought, that he’d really responded that emotionlessly to what she’d said.  Bellamy knew Clarke was nervous about their trip, about the negotiations they were supposed to conduct, and she was sure that he had suppressed any negative reaction in order to be supportive of her.  

While she was grateful for that, she was also really apprehensive that one day they'd have a disagreement and in an unguarded moment his disdain would come spilling out. The same disdain that she so often felt for herself.

She knew Bellamy would never have let Lexa in like she had. He would never have trusted her, confided in her, partnered with her. From the time not long after they’d landed that they’d decided together that Murphy would be banished, not executed, they had been a team. They’d worked together. They complemented each other. And when they were apart, it felt like a limb was missing. Or a vital organ.

At least, that’s how it was for her. But that wasn’t something she really wanted to think too much about. Because then she’d have to think about other things. Things she wasn’t ready to admit yet. Even to herself.

With a frustrated groan, Clarke threw down the shirt she’d been folding and flopped to the ground where she picked up the pencil and notepad she’d been leaving till last to put into her bag. Pushing her hair back from her face, she opened it to an empty page and started to fill it with a rough sketch of the first thing that came to mind.

In a tent a couple of hundred feet away, Bellamy was feeling just as discouraged as Clarke. He threw things in his duffle without paying attention to what he was doing, grumbling under his breath as he readied for the journey ahead.

Weeks earlier, when they’d been walking silently side by side on the way back to Camp Jaha from Mount Weather, it had seemed to Bellamy that a whole world of possibilities had opened up to them. He and Clarke had done something atrocious, but it had had to be done and he’d thought they’d work through it together. Come out the other side stronger for it.

For the first time in as long as he could remember, he’d had hope. And the moment Clarke had left without even entering the camp’s gates, that hope had crumbled inside him and he hadn’t felt its stirrings again until he'd seen her that day sketching by the side of the river.

He didn’t want to be jealous. He didn’t want to be conflicted. Hell, he didn’t want to need her. But he did. And he wasn’t sure that was something he could change.

All he knew was that somewhere along the way, they’d gone from enemies to friends to partners to...something more. More than friends. Less than lovers. Yet equally as intimate, both intellectually and emotionally. They could read each other, have conversations without speaking, finish each other’s thoughts and sentences. They were in sync in a way that Bellamy would never have believed possible.

And if he were being completely honest with himself, he’d been biding his time, waiting. Waiting for Clarke to be ready. Waiting for her to deal with everything they’d done, everything that had happened in the two months since they’d landed on the ground, everything that had happened before. He’d been waiting for her to mourn her father and Wells and Finn. And he’d been waiting for her to admit that there was more between them than partnership, loyalty, and friendship.

His right foot connected with his duffel and all the clothing and other items he’d already packed spilled onto the dirt floor, covering the clean items in a layer of dust and grime.

How was he going to give her the time he knew she still needed when her confession had shaken his confidence? Would she eventually come around, realize she wanted the same thing he did? Or would he have to continue to bury his feelings and his desire in order to maintain the partnership that they’d worked so hard to build?

With a sigh of resignation, he dropped to the ground beside his belongings, shaking them out and then re-packing them in his bag. As he sat there, his hands busy with the task before him, the words he’d said to Echo came to mind.

It wouldn’t be easy. It might be for nothing in the end. But it didn’t matter. He knew what he wanted. He knew who he wanted. And he wouldn’t settle for anything less.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

At the edge of the village, Clarke and Bellamy took turns saying goodbye to their friends and family. Clarke hugged her mom while Bellamy embraced his sister. They shook hands with Marcus Kane, Lincoln, and Wick. And they watched the small group head away from them, into the forest and towards the camp they now called home.

Clarke inhaled deeply as she watched them disappear from sight. It was just she and Bellamy now, she thought. She swallowed the nervous apprehension that fluttered in her stomach, the remnants of her earlier unease. Without turning to look at her companion, she asked, “Do you think they’ll manage without us?”

The corners of Bellamy’s mouth turned upward as he pictured Lincoln and Octavia among the others. He thoughtfully watched the treeline, saying confidently, “They’ll figure it out.” Then he glanced at her, forcibly shutting down the warm rush of desire that filled him just from seeing her standing beside him.  

Her eyes turned and locked onto his for a moment. “You left Octavia in charge, didn’t you?”

He held her gaze and gave a single nod before adding with certainty, “Miller will have her back.”

When neither of them said anything more, Bellamy asked brusquely, “You packed yet?”

“I am,” Clarke responded, wondering if their conversation was truly as stilted as she thought it was or if it was just her imagination. “You?”

“I am,” Bellamy said before they lapsed back into a silence that was strained by all the things they’d both left unsaid.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The caravan leaving Tomac for Polis consisted of eight single-rider horses, two wagons pulled by two horses each, and a dozen others who were walking along behind and beside the rest. Mixed in among the walkers were Bellamy and Clarke.

Both had packs slung over a shoulder, and while each was keeping an eye on the other, as they always did, they weren't actually walking together. There was so much between them that was unspoken that the air grew heavy with it whenever they were near each other.

At one point, while Clarke was focused on treating a member of their small party for an infected bug bite, Echo rode up beside Bellamy, her eyes on Clarke, just as his were, and she asked, “When will you tell her?”

Bellamy looked up at her, his thoughts interrupted, and he repeated her question blankly, “Tell her?”

“That you care for her,” Echo replied. “She does not know. Am I right?”

His face hardened and his jaw tightened. This wasn’t something he wanted to talk about. Not with anyone and least of all with the woman who had made him aware that she would be more than willing to make him her life’s partner. “When she’s ready,” Bellamy said firmly.

“And how will you know?” Echo asked curiously. “Is there a custom among your people about these things?”

“No,” Bellamy answered curtly. “I’ll just know.”

Echo shook her head and said, “I do not understand you, Belomi kom skaikru. Among my people, if we meet our match, we do not wait for that person to come to us. We make our intentions known and it is for that person to decline or accept what we offer.”

Now it was Bellamy’s turn to incline an inquisitive gaze toward his companion. “You did that with me.”

It was a statement but there was realization in his tone and it was clear that he was expecting her to confirm or deny what he’d said.

“I did,” Echo replied with an almost indiscernible nod of her head.

The wheels turned in his mind as he began to understand what she was saying. His eyes strayed to Clarke again, where she was now smiling and talking with the person she had previously been tending to.

“You didn’t have any presuppositions when you approached me,” he said, putting the pieces together. “Expect the best but be prepared for the worst.”   

The woman nodded again in confirmation. “It is our way.” She paused a moment before asking, “How do your people choose a mate?”

Bellamy shook his head and mused ironically, “I wouldn’t really know. A romantic relationship was never in the cards for me.”

“In the cards?” Echo queried.

“Destined,” Bellamy tried again. “It was too dangerous to let anyone get close.”

“I see,” Echo stated, although it sounded as if she didn’t really ‘see’ anything. “Among my people, it is when there is danger that we seek the ones we trust the most to be by our sides and guarding our backs. Is it not that way for you?”

His brow furrowed in thought for several moments before he nodded slowly. “I hadn’t put it into words, but yes. I don’t know about my people, but it is that way for me.”

A tiny smile graced the warrior’s lips as she leaned over from where she sat on her horse and urged him in a loud whisper, “Then tell her.”

Before he could say anything else, she squeezed her heels into the animal’s flank and spurred him on ahead where she rejoined the other riders.

Tell her. She made it sound so simple. Could it really be that easy? His eyes met Clarke’s as if they were drawn together and in that moment, he thought that maybe, just maybe, it really could be as uncomplicated as Echo made it appear.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Nothing was ever as easy as it seemed. Not the trip to Polis. Not telling Clarke how he felt.

Bellamy had thought long and hard about what Echo had said but when it came down to it, he knew that it wasn’t the time. He trusted his gut and his gut was absolutely telling him that Clarke was nowhere near ready. And, if he were being honest with himself, neither was he.

What he’d told Echo had been completely true. He’d never even considered the possibility of meaningful friendships before coming down in the drop ship. Octavia was his friend, as well as his responsibility.  That was enough, or at least he'd thought it was.  But that was before.  Before Monty and Jasper.  Before Miller, Murphy and Lincoln.  And most definitely before Clarke.  Nothing in the world could have prepared him for her.

It was the third day of their journey to Polis and Bellamy’s eyes strayed for the millionth time to Clarke’s golden curls. They were all he could see of her. Annoyance filled him when he realized the back of her head was all he’d been seeing since the moment they left Tomac.

Impulsively, he marched over to her and waited for the person she’d been talking with to slip away before he demanded in a quiet growl, “Why are you avoiding me?”

“Avoiding you?” Clarke responded in surprise, her eyes darting to his. “I’m not avoiding you,” she corrected calmly. “You’re avoiding me. I’m just giving you some space.”

“Space?” Bellamy scoffed, his jaw clenched, “When did I say I needed space? I came after you, remember? I stayed when you didn’t want to leave. How can you think I don’t want to be near you?”

There was something in Bellamy’s words that made Clarke pause and search his eyes. Her brows furrowed in confusion as she frowned and asked, “What do you want from me?”

Her question made him realize that he wasn’t entirely sure he knew how to answer her. He looked away and mumbled, “I don’t know.”

No sooner had he got the last word out of his mouth when Bellamy heard a loud cry.  His head whipped around just in time to see an arrow whiz by his head.  Every muscle suddenly on alert, he grabbed Clarke and pulled them both to the ground, all thought of quiet conversation gone in an instant.

"Shit, we're under attack," he cried, as a second arrow flew by overhead, precisely where he and Clarke had been standing only a moment before.

The River People responded immediately, their bows lifting to let loose a barrage of arrows.

Bellamy rolled them over the side of a hill to give them some cover, sticks and stones poking and cutting into his skin as he protected Clarke with his own body.

They didn’t have bows and arrows, and if they had, they wouldn’t have known how to use them. But they did have guns. Each had a pistol in case there was a need to defend themselves on their journey.

In the face of danger, whatever argument they’d been having was forgotten or put on hold at the very least. They caught each other’s gaze and with the slightest of shared nods and silent communication, both kept low to the ground while shooting in the direction of the incoming arrows.

Almost immediately, though, Sigma yelled an order for them to stop firing. She risked herself and her horse to ride toward them, put her mount in their way, and tell them sternly from her perch, “This is not your fight. Do not involve yourselves. Stay down and take cover. Echo will explain when we have found a means of compromise.”

Bellamy looked confused and was about to question the wisdom of Sigma’s words when Clarke touched a hand to his shoulder and shook her head slightly.

“We’ll keep down and out of the way,” Clarke promised Sigma respectfully as the Grounder leader ducked her head in response and rode back to her previous position.

“What the hell, Clarke?!” Bellamy protested, his stormy eyes demanding an explanation.

“Something’s going on,” Clarke responded, “This isn’t your normal, every day Grounder occurrence.”

“So that means we don’t get involved?” Bellamy asked in disbelief.

“It’s not our fight,” Clarke insisted. “Just like Sigma said. Let them have it out with whoever these people are so that we can get on our way again.”

Completely distrustful of the situation, Bellamy shook his head and snorted in disgust. He was frustrated, and while he may only have admitted it to himself, it would have helped immensely to blow off some steam by firing a few rounds at an enemy he could actually see and hear. The emotional battles he kept having to fight with himself and with Clarke were taking their toll.

“Fine, but if - “

He got no further.  They'd been standing behind a tree, out of the line of fire, but as he spoke, he raised his hand to gesture toward the Grounders, and soon regretted it.  Arrows were still flying all around them, and Bellamy gave a sharp cry as one of those arrows struck him, piercing his right hand.  Pain radiated up his arm, and he froze suddenly, a strangled scream on his lips.

“Bellamy!” Clarke cried, diving for him, pulling him back down to the ground where his back could rest in the shelter of the tree. She was on her knees in front of him in a heartbeat, pulling her med kit from the knapsack slung over her shoulder, ignoring everything else that was going on around them.

“Bellamy,” she said again, trying to gain his attention.

He was going into shock right in front of her and that was something she needed to prevent if she could. One of her hands cradled his injured one as she inspected the wound.  The other lifted to his face, and she stroked his cheek, trying to get him to look at her.

“I need you to focus on me, ok?” Clarke said calmly, her medical training kicking in. “Bellamy, can you do that?”

Of course he could do that, he thought. Her face was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. On or off the planet. But that didn’t make his hand hurt any less. When he did look at her, though, his vision was blurry. She didn’t look right. In fact, she seemed almost like a mirage. His eyes crossed and he blinked rapidly, trying to make things clear again. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to be working.

“I can’t see,” he murmured so softly he thought there’d be no way she would hear him.

Her eyes darted to his, alarmed. “What do you mean you can’t see? You can’t see anything? Everything is black?”

“No,” Bellamy responded slowly, wondering why his lips were tingling while his eyes fluttered closed. His tongue felt thick in his mouth, a bitter and metallic taste that made him gag. “Blurry…”

His head fell back against the tree and rolled onto his right shoulder as he finally passed out.

Clarke eyed the arrow with careful suspicion, using strips she ripped from the waist of her shirt as gloves to protect her from whatever might have coated the arrowhead.  She then pulled out her knife, cutting off one end of the arrow so that she’d be able to pull the other end through the opposite side, doing as little damage as possible.  

After doing her best to clean and dress the wound, she stared at the arrow until Echo rode up beside her, jumping quickly down from her horse as she assessed the situation.

“He is injured,” she said to Clarke, stating the obvious. Then she inspected the arrow and said, “He has been drugged but he has not been poisoned. He will wake in an hour or two.”

When the words finally penetrated Clarke’s consciousness, she nodded and looked up at Echo with grudging gratitude before asking, “What the hell was that? Who are they and why did they attack?”

“They, too, are River People,” Echo responded, handing Clarke some alcohol from her belt so that she could keep Bellamy’s injury clean.

Clarke took the bottle gratefully, unwound the dressing on Bellamy’s hand, cleaned it with the alcohol, and wrapped it up again, all without the tiniest hint of movement from him.  She looked up at Echo and asked, perplexed, “If they’re from the River, too, then why were they shooting at you?”

Echo sighed and looked toward Sigma for a moment before answering, “They are from another village. Called Doah. They are Heda’s trackers. We are her warriors. They covet the respect we command and engage us in acts of violence, determined to overtake our position of honor and strength. They do not want us in the Alliance. They want to claim our power as their own.”

It had never occurred to Clarke that there might be infighting among the Grounders. Of course she’d heard from Lexa herself about the brutality of the Ice Nation, but Clarke had thought that was more the exception rather than the rule. The knowledge that there were other clans who had it in for each other only heightened her awareness of the dangers she and Bellamy would face.

“What will you do?” Clarke asked curiously, looking down at Bellamy worriedly. If the River People from Tomac were going to face troubles of their own during these negotiations, perhaps it would be better if Clarke decided now that she and Bellamy wouldn’t continue along on the journey. Or maybe they would just go it alone instead.

“We have battled amongst ourselves many times in the past,” Echo stated. “Always Tomac has been victorious and Doah has had to respect our superior skills. We have forced them into retreat now as well.” She paused thoughtfully before meeting Clarke’s gaze, “They will surely tell the Commander of your presence with us in an attempt to garner her favor. Sigma has ordered that you and Bellamy meet with her to strategize when you are both able.”

Clarke glanced at Bellamy doubtfully, her eyes still full of concern for him, and she asked, “How long till we reach the Capital?”

“Three days of hard riding,” Echo responded, “Five for those like yourselves who are walking.”

With a slow nod, Clarke began to mentally strategize and she only spoke again when she’d formulated a plan. She looked up at Echo and said grimly, “Tell Sigma that we will meet with her in two days’ time when I am certain that Bellamy will still be able to handle our mission. If he cannot,” she said, her eyes hardening as she spoke, “then we will return to Camp Jaha and Lexa will just have to be disappointed.”

Echo studied Clarke for several moments before she said, “You will declare war against Heda.”

“Not war,” Clarke corrected, her fingers brushing several sweaty curls from Bellamy’s damp forehead. Her eyes were clear when she met Echo’s once more, her heart thumping hard in her chest. “A demonstration of where my true allegiance lies.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hours later, after two warriors had helped relocate Bellamy to one of the wagons to sleep off his drug-induced slumber, Clarke found herself in a tent with him, her worried eyes intent on his form.  According to the Tomac healers, Bellamy should be waking up at any time, but Clarke was anxious and she knew that she wouldn’t believe it completely until she’d seen it happen.

When his eyes began to flutter open, she held her breath and gripped his uninjured hand between both of her own.

“Hey,” she said softly as she watched him struggle to focus on her.  

Bellamy’s brow furrowed and he was clearly searching for some sort of memory regarding how he’d gotten to wherever he was and why she was sitting there beside him.

“You were injured,” she explained, tenderly lifting his bandaged hand at the wrist. “Hopefully if we keep it clean and bandaged, it will heal without much help.  You’ll be pretty handicapped with weapons for now and may never completely regain full fine motor function, but unless you’re planning on writing poetry, it should be fine for what you need it for in a few weeks…”

She was so clinical, yet while he watched her speak, he could see the tension in her jaw and shoulders, the strain and worry around her eyes and mouth.

He didn’t say anything at first, still observing as she swallowed hard, blinked a few times, and refused to meet his gaze.

Finally, he reminded her gently, “I’m injured, Clarke. Not dead.”

“I know,” she said softly, her voice thick with emotion. “But you could have been.”

The tears glistening in her eyes threatened to spill over.  With his good hand, Bellamy reached to cup Clarke’s chin as he said with an ironic little smile. “When has that ever stopped us before?”

A shaky laugh that ended on a hiccup found its way from her lips and she shook her head, admiration and something else in her eyes as they met his at last. “Never.”

“Then what makes you think it’ll make a damn bit of difference now?” he asked.

**  
**She shook her head and answered truthfully, “Because, if something happens to you now, I won’t just break. I’ll be unfixable.”


	12. Chapter 12

It wasn’t until later that night while Bellamy was lying by the fire trying to sleep that he had a chance to really process Clarke’s words from earlier. Before, he hadn’t been able to think beyond the pain. Now, though...his hand was still throbbing but it had been wrapped and splinted so the injury wouldn’t be made worse than it already was. Now...his hand only served as a reminder of what she’d said, each syllable thrumming with the beat of his heart and the stinging heat of his hand.

Unfixable. She’d said she would be unfixable. What did she mean by that, he wondered. He didn’t want to make any assumptions and he couldn’t live with false hope. It would break him if he allowed himself to need her any more than he already did. Especially if she walked away again.

A soft groan from a few feet away interrupted Bellamy’s thoughts and he turned his eyes toward the sound. At the same time, Clarke gasped, startling herself awake. Bellamy shifted over beside her and touched her shoulder with concern. “You ok?”

She shook her head, trembling from the adrenaline-inducing nightmare. “No,” she breathed shakily, refusing to look at him. “I’m not ok. I may never be ok again.”

Without a word, Bellamy wrapped an arm around her and tucked her into his side. His voice was thick and gravelly, full of emotion, as he said, “Rest. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Clarke nodded and took refuge in his warmth, in his strength. She sighed as she closed her eyes and it wasn’t long before he felt her body go limp against him.

He laid her down gently, positioning himself behind her, holding her to keep her demons at bay. When he finally felt he could relax, breathe freely again, he inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. His heart ached. His arms tightened around her. He was so close and yet so far from what he wanted.

As he lay there, reveling in how right it felt to have her in his arms, he allowed himself to dream of the day that he could tell her how he felt. And just maybe she’d be able to tell him the same in return.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

A strained peace settled between them over the final days of travel. Both were quiet. Watching. Waiting. For what, they weren’t sure. Clarke convinced herself that the tension had everything to do with how close they were to Polis and the possibility of another attack, but Bellamy knew better.  Those things accounted for the undercurrent of danger. They didn’t explain the jolt of adrenaline every time Clarke’s arm brushed his or the way his heart pounded in his chest when she redressed his wound.

It was as if having her come so close to acknowledging how she felt about him had brought every nerve in his body to the surface and made his feelings nearly impossible to control.

If Clarke was aware of any change between them, she wasn’t showing it. Instead, as they came within view of the Grounder Capital, she touched his arm to get his attention, seeming oblivious to the fact that he had to force himself to breathe normally thanks to the warmth that radiated from her hand.

“I read about this,” she said just above a whisper. “The remains of a city. They’ve rebuilt it. Added old to new, pieced it back together again.”

“It’s like a mosaic,” Bellamy added, a hint of wonder in his voice. After a moment, he pulled away from her touch. It was too overwhelming for him to handle.

She glanced at him curiously for an instant, their eyes catching and holding before she broke the connection, looking more uncomfortable than he’d ever seen her.

“We’d better join the others. Can’t let them get too far ahead,” she said brusquely as she turned and disappeared amongst the river people who were making their way across the last stretch of land that needed to be crossed before reaching their destination.

From there until they entered the southwest corner of the city, they walked along what must have at one time been paved roads. Cracked asphalt, boulders, and mossed over gravel lined their way, making a sure foot almost impossible to maintain.

Several times, Clarke and Bellamy had to catch each other to keep themselves from falling. At first, Clarke stubbornly resisted his help, certain she could make it on her own. But when she saw that he was having just as much trouble as she was, she let go of her pride to keep him from further damaging his hand.

She’d been checking on it each day and so far there had been no sign of infection, but it worried her that the swelling was still severe and in spite of their engineered genetics, the process of healing was excruciatingly slow.

At one point, Bellamy saw her staring with concern at his bandaged hand and he couldn’t help either the smartass remark or the accompanying smirk that came to his lips. “Clarke, it’s not the stigmata and I’m not a fucking relic. I’m pretty sure it’s safe to take your eyes off it.”

Clarke snorted a laugh and lifted an appreciative gaze to his before joking back, “Fine. But if it turns black and falls off, it’s on you.”

“Noted,” Bellamy agreed with a nod and a grin.

He was about to comment on some of the structures that were coming into sight on either side of them, but before he could, he felt Clarke’s hand on his arm again, her breath tickling his right ear in a whisper.

“Bellamy, it’s the other river clan. They’re coming out to meet us.”

His body tensed as he looked up. He put his uninjured hand over hers reassuringly and said, “We knew they’d be here.  From what I understand, though, Polis itself is a neutral ground. That’s why they came out to meet the villagers from Tomac. They knew they couldn’t open fire once both tribes were in the city.”

Clarke nodded, but his words didn’t go very far in calming the feeling of dread that filled the pit of her stomach. In fact, the closer they drew to the enemy of their friends, the more pronounced her sense of foreboding became.

Finally, the river people from Tomac came to a stop with their Doah adversaries directly in front of them. Neither group willing to back down. It wasn’t until there was a murmur and some commotion from the back of the Doah faction that there was any movement at all between the two walls of people.

The Doah villagers divided abruptly at their center and up the newly created aisle came Lexa astride her horse.

Clarke stiffened and inhaled sharply while Bellamy’s jaw tightened and his hands clenched into fists at his side. For as much as they each thought they had prepared themselves for this confrontation, neither had been ready for it to happen so soon.  

They watched, side by side, as Sigma rode out to meet the Commander, Echo riding at her flank. Greetings were exchanged. Reports were given. And grievances were filed against their fellow river people.

Lexa listened from her perch, her eyes hardening as she heard of the attack from the residents of Doah on the citizens of Tomac.

It was impossible to know what exactly was being said. The leaders were too far away and neither Clarke nor Bellamy were fluent enough in Trigedasleng to understand the words even if they had been close enough to hear.

What they could see was the moment that Lexa was told of Clarke’s and Bellamy’s presence among them. The Commander’s eyes scanned the group until her gaze met Clarke’s and Lexa held it while continuing her discussion with Sigma and Echo.

“Shit,” Clarke murmured under her breath as a wild mix of emotions hit her like a wave. Rage and indignation nearly bowled her over. The memory of betrayal. The desperation she’d felt when she’d envisioned Bellamy and the others still inside the mountain as she’d watched Lexa walk away.

She looked up to find Bellamy watching her intently.

“This was a bad idea,” she said softly.

Bellamy’s face was a mask. He looked strong and sturdy, steady as always. There was a determination in his eyes that she held onto. She needed it. She needed him. There was no way she could do this without him.

When he didn’t say anything in response to her words, Clarke continued, “She can’t be trusted. I won’t make a deal with her. Not again.”

“I agree,” Bellamy said, finally breaking his silence. “So why are we here?”

A steely resolve grew inside Clarke as she looked back at the beautiful but hardened young woman who held so much power among such a multitude of warriors. “The clans need to know the truth. We need to tell them what really happened at the mountain, at Tondc.”

Eyeing her warily, Bellamy stated for clarification, “You want to incite a civil war.”

“I want to incite a coup,” Clarke corrected.

“A coup that may lead directly to a civil war,” Bellamy added.

“A coup that may lead directly to a civil war,” Clarke agreed.

“You were right,” Bellamy said grimly, “This was a REALLY bad idea.”

 

“Are you with me?” Clarke asked.

Bellamy studied her for a few moments before he glanced toward where Lexa was now retreating, her horse trotting down the torn up lane. He looked back at Clarke and gave a single nod. “I must be the world’s biggest fool, but yeah, I’m in.”

A slow, predatory smile spread across Clarke’s features as she watched Lexa disappear into the distance.

“Good,” she said firmly before looking back up into his dark, magnetic gaze.  “I couldn’t do this without you.”

“You won’t have to,” he assured her.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

After they were shown where the grounder version of the mess hall could be found, Clarke and Bellamy were escorted to a tiny, one room guest house they were to share for the duration of their stay in the Capital. It was located mere yards from the capital building itself and appeared to be fairly secure, although the pair did agree that they should still keep their weapons at an arm’s reach.

They had just fixed their pallets and were preparing to discuss the feasibility of carrying out Clarke’s plan without getting them both killed when a knock sounded at the door.

Bellamy got up to answer it but Clarke was right behind him, ready to defend them both if necessary.

When the door swung open, neither of them were prepared to see her standing on their doorstep.

Her leather armor was tied tightly across her torso, her sword hanging at her side. The heavy mantle that designated her as the one true Commander of her people clung firmly to her shoulders as a reminder that she belonged to the alliance, to the clans above all else.

There was no war paint on her face, but Clarke could still imagine it there. Black smudges that made her appear as if she were wearing a mask. A mask that allowed her to hide any hint of true emotion. Or at least that was what Clarke had once thought. Now she was only left with pain and confusion. A rage that consumed her.

Bellamy’s hand tightened on the frame of the door, his knuckles turning white, his nostrils flaring. He was about to give the Commander a piece of his mind when she looked past him as though he didn’t exist and said simply, “Hello, Clarke. I didn’t expect to find you here in Polis.”  


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm so sorry this is so short and that it's taken a couple weeks to update (and that I haven't updated Earthbound...). Real life, kids, back to school readiness...but here's some drama to hold you over till my kids are back in school on Wed and I can actually have some REAL time to write. Thanks for sticking with me!

A warning hand squeezed Bellamy’s taut bicep. He glanced over his shoulder and caught Clarke’s hardened gaze as well as the very slight shake of her head, and he forced himself to stay quiet. He didn’t know what Clarke was going to do, but he was reminded that this wasn’t nearly as much his bone to pick as it was hers. He gave her a tiny nod in return, but didn’t back down. Whatever happened, they were in this together.

“Lexa,” Clarke began. “Considering how you left things, I’m sure you weren’t expecting to see me here. In fact, I’m quite convinced that you were leaving me for dead when you walked away.” She glared at the Commander, only allowing her burning rage to be seen.

The Heda wasn’t quite able to hide her wince at the other leader’s words, but she forged ahead regardless. “Still, it pleases me that you survived.”

“What do you want, Lexa?” Clarke asked, cutting to the chase. She suddenly felt drained and just wanted the woman to go away. “Why are you here?”

“I am here to congratulate you, Clarke. On your defeat of the Mountain Men. On your survival. And I am here to see what your intentions are. Why are you here?” Lexa responded, her face a mask once again.

As Lexa continued to address herself exclusively to Clarke, Bellamy bristled at being so blatantly ignored. Before he could do anything stupid, Clarke squeezed his arm again and her words reassured him that she hadn’t forgotten he was there.

“Our intentions,” Clarke said pointedly, “are our own. They will be made clear, in full, when the clans have all arrived, prior to the ceremonies beginning.”

It was now Lexa’s turn to show a spark of impatience, annoyance, and anger.  “You are making a mistake, Clarke. Perhaps you misunderstood me.” Her eyes narrowed and her stare was as cold as ice. “If you do not make your intentions known immediately, you will not be permitted to stay.”

“What happened to your open invitation to join you in Polis?” Clarke asked bitterly, her tight control wavering momentarily. “Or did that expire the moment you left me for dead?”

“Clarke,” Lexa said firmly, “There is no reason that we cannot work out a new arrangement, come to some type of agreement between your people and mine.” She glanced contemptuously over at Bellamy before saying, “Perhaps you and I should speak alone.”

“NO,” Clarke declared vehemently, taking a pointed step closer to the man who’d been standing silently by her side throughout this battle of the wills. She glanced at him gratefully, drawing strength from his presence, and then she continued by stating firmly, “There is nothing you can say to me that can’t be said in front of Bellamy.”

“Fine,” Lexa said coldly, as if she thought Clarke was behaving like a child. “Your presence here is a threat. I cannot allow you to remain here unless the risk to my people is diminished.”

Her blood boiling, Clarke took a step toward Lexa, her sharp gaze drilling right through the leader of the Grounders.  “The only person I’m a danger to here is _you_.”

Lexa held her position but Clarke noted that she didn’t seem able to meet her eyes. Clarke could see the rapid beat of Lexa’s heart as it pounded in her throat.

Boldly, Clarke pushed forward still more, not caring if Lexa took offense at the invasion of her space.  Voice clipped and dripping with scorn, Clarke said, “I don't take orders from _you_. _You_ broke our alliance. _You_ left me no choice but to kill allies, _children_ , to save my people." Her chest heaved with barely controlled rage.  "I owe you _nothing_.  Now, _leave_."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

When Lexa had gone, Bellamy stood silent, staring at Clarke. Studying her. He could tell that she was on the verge of breaking down, her shoulders shuddering with the sobs she was desperately trying to hold back.

He wanted to hold her. Tell her that everything was going to be ok. That they were in this mess together.  And yet, he couldn't, because he was overcome with worry.

"Clarke, you're going to get yourself killed," Bellamy said so softly that the words were almost uttered under his breath.

There were tears in her eyes as she lifted them to give him a sad, forlorn little smile. It spoke of resignation and a pain so deep that the wound might never heal.

She swallowed hard before saying with brave determination, “Not if our plan works the way I’m hoping it will.”

A muscle jumped in Bellamy’s jaw and his hands clenched into fists. She was always risking herself for the sake of others, but this time was different. This time it just seemed reckless. And unnecessary.

His voice was raw with emotion as he caught her eyes again and said, “It’s not worth the risk.”

She was silent a moment. The seething rage that Lexa’s presence, her audacity, had wrought in Clarke had faded rapidly until all she was left with was regret. Regret at having had to kill both friends and enemies in the mountain. Regret at having left behind the man who stood beside her now, at having left him to deal with their actions alone. And now regret at having kindled the fear she now saw etched distinctly into each of Bellamy’s features.

Guilt washed over Clarke and she bit her lower lip before whispering, “I’m sorry…I...” She shook her head and sighed. There were too many ways she could end that sentence. Not one of them was she prepared to face.

The tension that had been obvious in Bellamy since Lexa’s arrival began to dissipate, his shoulders visibly relaxing as he nodded. If she was apologizing, she had to at least be considering the impact of her actions on those around her...on him.

Clarke was about to turn toward her bed in the corner of the room when she heard him quietly confess, “I can’t lose you, either.”

His words struck a chord inside her and the tears she’d been fighting earlier quickly sprang to her eyes again as she stared, speechless, until Bellamy gruffly said, “I’ll take first watch. You get some sleep.”

Hesitantly, she moved past him, allowing her arm to casually brush against his. Then she paused, deliberately altering her course to move back toward him, and spoke his name with soft affection. “Bellamy?”

He turned to her, questioning, and on impulse she leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Good night,” she said quietly, trailing her hand down his arm as she walked away.

When she had tucked herself into her pallet on the other side of the room, Bellamy watched her, his heart aching. He’d never felt like this about anyone in his life.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“She’s up to something,” Lexa said to her advisors when she arrived back at her palatial quarters. “I’m not sure what it is that she’s planning, but we’re going to have to stop it. The alliance is already crumbling around us. The Ice Nation has left and once again has declared us to be their sworn enemy. Others will follow. The River People are on the verge of a Civil War between them. There is not a single clan that isn’t vulnerable right now.”

“Then she must be stopped,” declared Lexa’s eager new apprentice.

Lexa held her hand up and shook her head. “No. We will watch her. If we find that her intentions are hostile, then she will be eliminated.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Back at Camp Jaha, preparations for winter were being worked on in earnest, but in spite of having the River People’s assistance, the going was slow. There was no way they would be complete by the first snowfall.

What was worse was it seemed that a plague had struck the camp. The Sky People had all been vaccinated against what illnesses and diseases they had been aware of on the Ark, but this seemed to be something different. And now Dr. Griffin had the fever and delirium as well.

Lincoln and Jackson were treating her and the others the best they could, but it was no use. The chilled night air of late fall, as well as the close quarters they all were living in, were proving to be formidable opponents when combined with the sickness that was spreading rapidly.

“We need Clarke,” Octavia said one night after hearing Lincoln’s discouraging report of having lost two more of their number that day.

“She wouldn’t know anything more than Abby,” Lincoln argued.

Octavia sighed. “She and Bell should at least be told what’s going on here,” she insisted.

Again, Lincoln disagreed with her. “No, Octavia. They have enough to worry about. It’s our responsibility to take care of the camp now, and theirs to secure our future.”

“What good will a future do us if most of the camp is dead by the time they return?” Octavia demanded hotly.

With calm certainty, Lincoln replied, “It will do a lot of good for those who are left.”

A low growl of frustration escaped from the back of Octavia’s throat before she took a deep breath and said with a huff, “Fine. We’ll do this your way. Show me what needs to be done for those who are already sick so that you can work with Jackson on trying to find a cure.”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  
Two days’ journey from Camp Jaha, a trio of travelers was bedding down for the night. They, like many others, were on their way to Polis. But their mission was far different from the clans whose new leaders were waiting to be initiated by the Commander. Their sole purpose was to search out and find the representatives of the Sky People. And once found, convince them to leave Polis, whether the pair had completed their own objectives or not.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm back! Sooo sorry it took so long for me to finish off Earthbound, get the sequel figured out and started, and get this one going again but I'm here now and hopefully you'll be getting regular updates again!

The first of the political gatherings was scheduled to begin the following day. Bellamy had decided not to wake Clarke for her turn at watch and instead tried to stay up the whole night himself. But when he woke, he found himself tucked in against the wall with a blanket firmly wrapped around him and Clarke nowhere in sight. 

He scrambled to his feet, his eyes darting around the room, making sure they hadn’t somehow deceived him into thinking she wasn’t there when she really was. He frowned when he saw she was truly gone and dove for the door just as it opened. 

"Hey,” Clarke said in surprise, finding him suddenly so close that she nearly had to reach out and grasp his arms to keep him from slamming into her.

“Where were you?” he demanded, the underlying fear clear in his tone. 

“I went out to get a feel for the city before we start our day,” Clarke explained. 

“Are you out of your mind?” Bellamy demanded angrily, “Why would you risk it when so many want you dead?”

“Because if anyone’s going to end my life, it’s going to be in public and on Lexa’s direct order,” Clarke responded calmly. “Besides, I was hungry. I figured you would be, too, when you woke up.”

Smugly, she offered him the covered basket she held in her hands and watched with a twinkle in her eyes as he lifted the cloth to inspect what was inside. 

“You’re welcome,” she said as she reached for a muffin of her own. 

After they finished their breakfast and had gathered their belongings, Bellamy asked as casually as he could, “So what’s the plan. Where do we start?” 

“We start by going to Luna. She’s the leader of the water people and Lincoln said that they would be welcoming and open to us. We should take advantage of that while we can,” Clarke responded.

“Do we know where or how to find her?” Bellamy questioned.

“We do,” Clarke said affirmatively with a determined smile. “Come on. I found it on my walk this morning.”

Bellamy immediately frowned but he held his tongue and followed her out. There was no use arguing with her. He’d learned that a long time ago.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

There was something different about Luna. She wasn’t what either of them had expected. She was subtle. Nuanced. Calm. Tranquil like the sea. She wore her power regally, like a cloak floating around her. Where other leaders were loud and fierce, she was quiet and steadfast. Her presence was soothing in a way that neither Clarke nor Bellamy understood.

The two glanced nervously at one another while Clarke swallowed hard, giving herself a mental pep talk. 

“Luna,” she began, but the woman stopped her before she had really managed to start.

“Clarke of the Sky People,” Luna declared, her gaze curious and assessing. “I have wondered when I might meet you. What has brought you into my presence today?”

“A mutual friend,” Clarke replied honestly, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach. “Lincoln of the Trigedakru has told me of his friendship with you. He advised that I seek you out as an ally here.” She paused a moment, wishing she could take Bellamy’s hand, but instead she stood still and flexed the fingers of both hands into fists for a moment before she asked carefully, “Did Lincoln speak true? Are you an ally?”

Luna studied the pair before her calm, curious eyes returned to Clarke. “If Lincoln has sent you, I will listen to what you have to say. If your words ring true and there is something that my people can do to assist yours, we will do so.”

Clarke and Bellamy communicated with their eyes, Clarke’s heart pounding in her chest. She took a deep breath and swallowed hard before saying, “The Commander would like to silence me. Us. She left us to die in Mount Weather. It was a calculated move. A move that dishonors your people and should bring into question the viability of the alliance among the twelve clans.” 

“We are aware of that,” Luna said without even a flicker of emotion in her eyes or voice. 

“You are,” Bellamy repeated, watching as Luna nodded in response. 

“The leaders of the clans have been meeting,” Luna said, without any further detail than that. 

“Is there anything we can do? We’ve been sent to secure an honorable alliance between our people and the clans, but we have no trust in anything The Commander says at this point,” Clarke stated, wondering what exactly they had gotten themselves into by coming to Polis. 

Nodding, Luna looked Clarke directly in the eye without blinking and said, “You can leave. Let us take care of our own, bring justice and honor back to our people. When the time is right, we will send for you and a new alliance will be forged.” 

Clarke’s jaw flexed and she looked at Bellamy uncertainly. 

“How can we be sure that your people won’t hunt ours down? That we’ll be safe regardless of what the outcome is here?” Bellamy asked. 

“You have my word,” Luna responded, “And if necessary, the river and water people will defend you against all others. Let ours be the first alliance that you make.”

"What would you expect of the sky people in return?” Clarke wanted to know, again wishing for the comfort she knew she would feel from even the briefest touch of Bellamy’s hand. 

“Support. Technology. Medicine,” Luna replied. “Sigma has told us much about what you have accomplished in her village. Her words and ours will go a long way toward securing your place with the other clans as well.” 

Doubt clouded Clarke’s eyes as she thought of Lexa’s words about Costia. “What about the in-fighting we witnessed? Bellamy was already harmed in the crossfire on the way here. And what about The Ice Nation? They’ve left Polis already. Do we have anything to fear from them? Or any clans that may remain loyal to The Commander?”

An amused little smile curved Luna’s lips as she said, “The Ice Nation is fierce but they do not act unprovoked. And there will be few who will side with The Commander. Do not fear what you do not understand. Trust that all will be concluded in righteousness.” 

For the first time, Clarke felt unsettled by what Luna was saying. Hesitantly, she asked, “Will Lexa survive being confronted about her actions?”

A hardness entered Luna’s eyes that Clarke and Bellamy hadn’t yet seen from her and she said with a harsh finality, “Blood must have blood.”

Clarke’s heart skipped a beat while Bellamy watched her warily. Finally, Clarke gave a single slow nod and said, “We will take your advice to heart. May we meet again.” 

Understanding the significance of this saying among the sky people, Luna nodded as well and repeated, “May we meet again.” 

When they were back in the cabin that they’d shared the night before, Clarke turned to Bellamy and asked, “What do we do now?”

Before he had a chance to respond, a knock sounded on their door.

“Lexa again?” Bellamy murmured as he went for the door. He wasn’t about to let Clarke answer it in case it was The Commander. 

But it wasn’t. 

“Murphy?!” Clarke exclaimed from over Bellamy’s shoulder, finding her voice before her companion could find his. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Bellamy demanded gruffly. The last he remembered hearing of Murphy was that he’d disappeared around the same time Jaha had. How had the bastard ended up in Polis after all this time? 

“I’m here to find you assholes. Who knew it’d be so easy?” Murphy responded in his usual snarky manner. “You gonna let me in?”

“I don’t know,” Bellamy said dryly, glancing at Clarke with a look that was impatient and wary at the same time. 

“Let him in,” Clarke said, resignation in her tone, a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. “If we don’t like what he has to say, we can always leave him here.”

“Oh, you mean the way he ditched us?” Bellamy asked, speaking to Clarke but very pointedly glaring at Murphy.

“Hey, now,” Murphy responded, hands held up as if to show he came in peace, “I just wanted to get your help in saving the world and all but if you’re not interested…” 

“What the…?” Bellamy trailed off as he yanked Murphy inside and closed the door.

“What do you mean?” Clarke demanded.

“Jaha’s gone all psycho,” Murphy said with a careless shrug. “He’s conspiring with a rogue computer program to destroy the world. Again.” 

Neither was able to react before another knock sounded. Bellamy clenched his jaw and gave Clarke a disbelieving look before he answered. 

This time he opened the door immediately, and without any discussion, he let the newcomers in. He met Clarke’s gaze over and between the heads of the new arrivals and suggested blandly, “Maybe we should have uprooted the whole camp and brought them with us.”

Clarke shook her head in mute disbelief as she recognized Monty, Harper, and Miller. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she asked, “What are you doing here? How did you figure out where to find us?” 

The three shared looks as if they were debating who would speak for them and finally Monty said, “Well, we thought that Lincoln and Octavia would come find you but when they decided to stay at Camp Jaha, we figured we’d better come instead. Luna told us where you were staying.” He paused a moment before continuing, “Your mom is sick, Clarke. And so are half our people.” 

Immediately, Clarke was all business, asking, “What do you mean half the camp is sick? Sick with what? And why did Lincoln and Octavia not come? Do they know that you’re here?”

Miller caught sight of Murphy and asked, accusation in his tone, “What’s he doing here?”

“Trying to save the world,” Murphy shrugged. “No biggy.” 

“Shut up, Murphy,” Bellamy said in his usual ‘no nonsense’ way, then looked at Monty and added, “Feel free to answer her any time now.”

Monty nodded and glanced at Miller and Harper before responding. “Right. Ok. So here’s the thing. We don’t actually know what they’re all sick with. We just know that there are a lot of people who are really ill. Lincoln and Jackson are working overtime trying to figure out some kind of treatment but nobody’s getting better and just before we left, a couple of people died.” 

“And I’m needed here so they didn’t want to let me know and be torn…” Clarke pieced together.

Harper gave her a sympathetic look and nodded. “That’s what we figured anyway. We thought you should know, though, just in case…” Her voice trailed off and Clarke nodded. Just in case her mother didn’t make it.

Her eyes searching Bellamy’s, Clarke said instantly, “We should go back. The camp needs us and we’ve already been told we shouldn’t stay here.” 

Bellamy nodded in agreement but Murphy interrupted to clarify, “So that’s a no on saving the world today, then? Right. I’ll just be getting back to my safe-haven, ride out the second apocalypse there.”

“What the hell is he talking about?” Miller demanded, looking as if he were ready to punch Murphy in his smug face.

“Never mind,” Bellamy told Miller before looking at Murphy in annoyance. “What exactly do you need from us? Your story wasn’t crystal clear on that.” 

“Help,” Murphy responded, but before Bellamy could punch him for being an ass, he added, “Preferably from someone who knows something about AI.”

“AI?” Monty repeated, looking in bemusement at Murphy, Clarke, and Bellamy. 

Something in Clarke’s demeanor, her countenance, changed, and suddenly she was in charge, just like she had been from the moment they’d landed on the ground right up until she'd turned her back on her people and walked away.

“Ok, here’s what we’re going to do. Murphy, you’re going to come with us back to Camp Jaha. On the way, you can tell us, but particularly Monty, all about whatever is going on wherever you were. Monty, you can let us know if you think it’s a situation you can handle with your tech skills or if you’ll need help. In the meantime, Harper and Miller can fill me in on this illness. We can decide from there what needs to happen next.” 

Bellamy gave her an approving look, one corner of his mouth turned up in a smile, but it was Murphy who shrugged and expressed with his words the sentiment they were all feeling.

“Whatever you say, Princess.”

The nickname felt foreign to Clarke but when she saw the gleam in Bellamy’s eyes, she couldn’t help but smile and admit that it felt right. She was back. And she’d do anything she needed to do to take care of her people. Just like she always had.


End file.
